The Game Has To End Sometime!

Ebonism #27: There is nothing wrong with playing the field, but once you find your MVP it’s time to leave the stadium.

Don't keep playing until
you reach this point!
Know when to take
a different road
and stay on it!

With football season here, I simply can’t get enough of the athletic innuendos! When I came up with this phrase, I was thinking about how greedy and self-centered we have become as a society. Monogamy is one of those words that make people cringe nowadays. With all of the options that are available to us, it seems like making one person our focus is preposterous. I mean who wants to have real and genuine love anyway?! Why have someone that you can share you hopes, dreams and fears with? Why give yourself to only one person when there are so many nameless faces, unseen personalities and questionable prospects?! Sadly, the idea of being a skilled friend, lover and confidant is a long lost art for many. I can’t begin to tell you how many people I know who believe that marriage is a trial run with a 50/50 chance of lasting or self-destructing. The long haul is such a terrifying prospect because with so many roads in front of us, why stop at just one! As a single woman, I have stumbled down a few roads that led to absolutely nowhere. When I did reach a road or two that seemed endless, the thought of travelling them made me turn back. That was then though and now I’m here to explain why building a relationship is worth way more than taking a lot of fruitless chances on strangers. Also why it’s so important to stop playing once you find the right teammate. :-)

The grass can be as green as you make it!
Don't be fooled by every temptation
that comes your way!

Playing the field is so celebrated today that we are bombarded by television shows, magazines and music perpetuating this trend. How often have you found yourself watching “Flavor of Love”, “The Ultimate Merger”, “Real Chance at Love”or“For the Love of Ray J?” How often have we sang along, danced and lived by songs that push you to live for the moment and not worry about your relationship cause you “only got one night in town”. (Usually on the same CD, the artist is pouring their heart out and whining about losing their baby! Go figure!) No matter what anyone says, these forms of media seep into our spirit and solidify our belief that nothing will ever be good enough. For the men, there is such pressure to sow wild oats and obtain as many notches on your belt as possible. Meaningless relationships are seen as necessary conquests in proving manhood. For the women, it seems that bodies are being pushed to their critical peaks into shapes we have NEVER seen! You can escape to a foreign country and come back with features and assets you never had before! These superficial characteristics may work for a video or the club, but who will ever take a silicon dummy seriously? So the ignorance continues and long-term relationships are becoming an endangered species. It doesn’t matter how many women you can get or how fancy you look, substance is found within. Chasing what is appealing to the eye can result in pain in the heart. Not saying you can’t have a good looking mate, but looks shouldn’t be your only concern. You have the choice to put away the games and learn that some people are worth your sacrifice and dedication. You will never find the “perfect” person, but that doesn’t mean you can’t build a close to perfect relationship with a worthy person.

Check out some knowledge I was given by a wise and kind man:

Couldn't have said it
better!

About two months ago, I was fortunate to meet an older man who I will call CA. We fell into an enlightening conversation about how he met his wife and when he realized that she was the one. One day, he went into work and found a lovely young woman sitting at his desk. She was new to the office and mistakenly sat in his seat. They sparked up a conversation and the talks kept coming. Soon CA looked forward to going to work because he became captivated with her joy, her beauty and her life. A life he found fascinating. He would bring her small tokens of his affection that were sweet remnants of the details she would share. He shared a detail during one of their initial conversations that he loved the color red. CA knew she was the one when three months later; she came to work in a red dress. A color that he said “suited her to a t and also let me know that she was listening too!” Needless to say he left the stadium and married this remarkable woman six months to the day after they met. I asked CA if after 50 years of marriage if he felt like he missed out on anything. This is what he told me, “My wife and I married young and grew up together. We learned that love takes work, consistency and mutual respect. I looked at other women over the years, but I knew what I had. To leave behind a sure thing for a question mark never crossed my mind. Coming home to my wife everyday is a constant reminder that I made the right decision.”

Know when to throw
away the trash!
Make sure to hold
on to the treasure!

Now I know what you are thinking, “This is a new time and it doesn’t work that way.” My question is, “Who made this rule?” I believe my generation fails to follow through with what they start relationship-wise because putting in work takes more energy than throwing in the towel. The minute a problem arises whether in a friendship, dating relationship or marriage, people are ready to jump ship and move on to the next. CA and I continued our talk and he shared the rough times he encountered with his wife. There were arguments, financial woes, family issues and everything else under the sun. However we tend to forget that when you find real love, you hold on to it. You work at it. You treasure the treasure God has blessed you with. I can attest to the temptation of something new. Starting a new fire is always easier than keeping one burning. The appeal of a stranger can attract you, but don’t let it draw you in if you have something worthwhile in your grasp. When you release treasure to grab some trash you will be left lonely and with dirty hands! As much as I’ve been tempted, I can also attest to the sickening truth that there are lots of phonies, fakes, crazies and weirdos out there! Good people are rare finds. Almost comparable to finding a silver backed, diamond horn encrusted unicorn! Believe it or not, these elusive unicorns DO exist and if we happen to catch one, we should treat it well and keep it around!

What would you do if
you came across treasure?
Games are better left for
kids and athletes!

You can spend your entire life playing the field. It will only leave you worn out and used up. Be wise enough to know when a person is worth your investment. On the flip side of this, know when a person is not worth more than a small fraction, or absolutely none, of your time, energy or love. Keeping good people around you is always going to be in style. Going with the flow of how our society perceives relationships will leave you standing all alone wishing you took a better road when you had the chance. Instead of diving headfirst into hundreds of thousands of short-lived relationships, consider how fulfilling life would be if a person knew who you actually were. If a person cared enough to stick around past the first argument. If you could share who you really are and be surrounded by genuine care and concern. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live a life of chance encounters and shot in the dark romances. Once this game is over and the best man is left standing, I will gladly take him by the arm and walk away from the stadium. I hope that each of you will be wise enough to leave the games behind and work for the love that you truly deserve!