The Significance of Trust!

Either you have it

or you don't!

Tyler Perry’s movies always make my neurons snap when it comes to relationships!  I was watching Why Did I Get Married? the other day and shaking my head at Angela’s behavior.  Instead of calmly discussing a situation, Angela refused to trust her husband or forgive him for anything he did wrong.  This negative banter caused him to retreat and lose confidence in his wife’s ability to communicate.  If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s an ignorant woman or man ranting and raving about their suspicions and beliefs concerning their partner!  Back to the “love” chain I spoke about yesterday, trust is the next rectangle above communication.  When a relationship lacks trust, the rest of the foundation lacks credible strength for anything else to grow.  Regardless of the type of relationship, trust is usually tested from different angles.  The past can play a large role in affecting the present, loose lips can attempt to sink your relationships ship J, mistakes can break trust making forgiveness a hard task, and some trust issues may cause irreversible damage.  Have you ever dealt with any of the situations below?  Here’s my take on them and what we can do to combat lack of trust in our relationships.

Set your own trust boundaries early and stick to them!: 

Know your rules
and lay down the
law!

We often make the mistake of giving out trust like samples in a food court!  Big mistake!  In order to build a strong relationship, trust has to be built first.  There must be consistency in what people say and do before we give them our heart and everything that comes with it.  Knowing your boundaries is a major part of maintaining your happiness.  Some people feel lying or cheating is not a deal-breaker while others have a no-tolerance policy (me for instance!)  If a person doesn’t know what you deem inappropriate, there will remain a large margin for error.  Since communication is the larger portion of this puzzle, be concise about your needs for a trustworthy partner.  A person will either respect your wishes or they will prove you wrong.  Regardless of what happens, know your consequences, execute them and don’t apologize for any of it!  You can very well miss out on a great relationship by holding out for an untrustworthy prospect.

Don’t allow the world to interfere with YOUR level of trust in YOUR partner!:

Be careful what you choose
to belive.  It might affect
your relationship.

Winston Churchill once said, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”  When you have built a strong and steady foundation with your partner, be cautious of the information other people tell you about them.  Lies and rumors have an uncanny way of spreading quickly and sticking firmly.  If a person tells you something about your partner that you know in your heart isn’t true, don’t react hastily.  Take the time to consider every possible reason why this may be coming to you.  Think about the motive or interest the messenger of the rumor has when it comes to you as a person and your relationship as a whole.  When you have taken the time to build something, you know if you used bricks or straw!  Don’t fall for every story that you are told.  Now if you have reason to believe there may be truth to the story, communicate with your PARTNER!  Give them benefit of the doubt that they will be honest.  If that's not possible ask God to give you enough wisdom to discern the truth.

Unless the past is affecting the present, leave it alone!:

Trust is a little tricky because it takes a long time to build but a second to break.  Some experts will tell you that it’s important to know what happened in your partner’s past.  Some will tell you that the past doesn’t matter.  I’m here to tell you that the past is only as important as the present it is affecting!  We all have some skeletons in our closet and in many situations they remain there unless conjured up.  Be careful what you go fishing for because when the reel comes back with a Loch Ness attached to it, we often feel cheated.  There is not a single person on the face of the earth who can change their past.  Don’t be judgmental about what a person did back when.  Consider the negative aspects of your history and how you would feel if you were judged by them.  Love your partner for the person they are now and not where they came from.  Their past may be the reason why they are able to love you today.  However, if you are finding that a person’s past is constantly interfering with your future, then action should be considered.  Add this to your trust boundaries list and remember to know your consequences, execute your punishment and keep it moving! 

  

Either forgive and move on together or forgive and move on forever!:

We all make mistakes. 
Be fair and forgive
no matter what the
situation.

Let’s say the trust was broken in your relationship.  What do you do?  Well, it depends on the boundaries you set and your ability to move forward without constantly judging your partner’s mistake.  Every relationship will be tested and forgiveness is essential regardless of what outcome you decide.  You must forgive in order to prevent yourself from building a block and never trusting again.  If you decide to stay in a relationship with a person who broke your trust, after you forgive it’s a good idea to wipe the slate clean.  Remember why they are a part of your life and hold tight to those positive characteristics.  Don’t make them pay for what they did over and over again.  If you find yourself doing that, cut ties and move on.  If you decide to end the relationship, take time to regroup and remember that everyone is not the same.  There will always be good, honest people in the world and life doesn’t stop because you ran into a liar.

When you have trust, you have peace.  There is something so rewarding about being able to trust the people you love.  Be aware of how trustworthy you are as a person and know that there will always be people who can match that.  When you find yourself losing trust in your relationship, work on building it!  I mentioned it before and I will mention it again:  Anything worth having takes WORK!  Honesty, credibility and consistency are traits we must put into our relationship in order to get them back.  Make no mistake that some people will not appreciate or return these things, but that doesn’t mean God won’t send us a person who will.  You only have to be open enough to receive it!  So practice being moral and honest and BE the type of person you want in your life!  Ta-ta for now!