Forget Submission...Trust Your Intuition!!!!!



Hello all!  Today was quite the day.  I suffered from writer's block up until this evening when my life hit its heightened climactic peak.  I was suddenly hit with more material than I could shake a stick at!  Earlier in the week, I discussed "letting it go".  In many cases this is the only way to keep going and maintain your sanity.  What happens when you can't do that?  Well that's what happened to me today.  I decided to make an executive decision to trust my intuition and take the necessary steps to get the closure and peace I needed.  Monday's post exhibited my thoughts and feelings on that day.  When I hit today though, something happened that made me want to take matters into my own hands.  For the past 24 years, my intuition has exponentially grown into an entity that I can't deny.  It answers the questions that no one else can and alleviates the fears that come unannounced.  Robert Graves describes it best:

False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR)

  He begged her to talk with him.  "We have so much to discuss".  Those were his sentiments.  She thought perhaps an apology would be at the heart of this conversation.  He had done so much to deliberately hurt her that she didn't believe he could do any more damage.  She met him and they talked in her car.  The interaction gradually turned from tense to terrifying and she knew she made a huge mistake by allowing this talk to happen.  She decided to drive her car away from the desolate street they were on to an open, well lit parking lot with a healthy amount of pedestrians.  Noticing his anger increasing, she felt trapped even surrounded by people.  She had left him four months ago for irreconcilable mistakes made on his part.  He still couldn't fathom their relationship being over.  She screamed out, "Why are you doing this to me?  Just leave me alone!"  He grabbed her neck and squeezed.  In that moment, she felt the breath robbed from her body.  Her heart was beating from her chest and aside from physical pain, she felt betrayed and disrespected.  The tears streaming down her face seemed to singe her cheeks.  Within her emotions, she managed to garner enough power to punch him in his ribs.  He groaned in agony, but continued to choke her until something snapped and he let her go.  She grabbed her throat from shock and held on from dismay. He fled from the car and disappeared.  In the moments after this incident, anything affiliated with him caused only one emotion...

FEAR.      

Unhappy? Why Wait?! Grab Your Own Happiness!

For my Facebook status today, I was compelled to write this:

I never imagined after having my heart broken last year that it would be mended like this. Never let one person or situation define or destroy your happiness. Create your own!

 



Our burdens are our own
to carry just like
our happiness is our own
to create.



There are quite a few things going on in my world that evoked this thought.  As of late, I have seen a change in the "attitude" of what is my life.  I have great friends and family, I enjoy my job, my business is doing extremely well for it's second month, my health is top notch, I met someone who brightens my day, I feel and look better than ever and I wake up thankful for every moment I get to enjoy it all.  Now before you go rolling your eyes because it seems too good to be true, I have also dealt with a lot of negative (and preposterous) issues in the past three years.  The loss of my father and a few deadbeat friends, two horrible and damaging relationships, financial woes and a life changing situation that changed my view on giving my heart to anyone ever again.  Yeah, it was a mess!  The one thing I learned in these past three years is that we often place our burdens on someone else and get angry because they drop it.  It is our responsibility to carry our issues and decide when to drop said issues.  When I stopped blaming the world for my problems, I realized my own problem: I needed to get off my butt and take charge of what I needed to make me smile again.  I noticed the two main things standing between myself and my happiness included people and situations.  After some prayer and meditation, this is what I realized:



Think I Better Let It Go...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

This evening revealed a lot of things to me about a situation I've been going through for the past two months.  I offered my kindness, and money, to a person I thought was trustworthy.  In light of a lot of negative situations that have plagued me this year, I thought I was smooth sailing.  However, just when things started to go well, BAM, this happens.  There are so many questions I have floating around in my head about why they would hurt me like this.  I mean, what did I ever do to deserve such ignorance and evilness?  My face is damp from crying and that heavy feeling of pain and betrayal has consumed me.  I truly hate feeling used and foolish for even playing a part in it.

Whom Shall We Fear? ...Our Loved Ones!

(New Material!  I had to do it because people have officially lost their minds around here!)

I didn’t need to look behind me to realize I was being chased by a large group of unknown things.  They were in the shape of people, but my instinct was telling me there was something demonic about their presence.  Gnashing at my ability to outrun them, they continued to torment me.  I heard familiar voices, but denied their origin out of disbelief.  Surrounded on every side except for the clear path ahead of me leading to a cliff, I ran for my life.  Sweat was pouring from my head, my heart was pounding and I was nervous that my legs would give out running toward this sharp, eminent cliff.  Either option seemed to lead to death for me.  I wasn’t sure what type of death awaited me, whether physical or emotional but I dreaded both.  Within inches from the cliff, I lost every ounce of energy I had and collapsed.  I tightly clenched my eyes, but could still feel their presence.  Darkness clouded around me and I opened my eyes to realize the same creatures that were chasing me were people I knew very well.  At this moment I woke up to this reality: Sometimes, the people we know can be our worst nightmare. 

There Are Plenty of Mudfish In The Sea!!

(I wrote this note for Facebook and it has become my shining jewel!  All my friends loved it so I thought it would be a great addition for the week!)



Pic of the Mudfish!



Ever heard that old saying, “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” Of course you have! (Silly me for even asking!) Well, do I have a story to tell you!

It all dates back to when I was ten years old and I went fishing with my uncle for the first time. For story sake, it is important to know that my uncle is a professional bass fisherman, so he knows his stuff. As he was teaching me the ins and outs, I started to get comfortable and caught a few small fish. This was to be expected and they were my practice catches as my uncle explained. Then the unthinkable happened… My line jerked to the point where I almost lost my reel. I held on for dear life and started to reel this HUGE catch in. I would pull a little, the fish would pull a lot. Eventually the struggle got to be too much and my uncle helped me pull it in the boat. The whole process took about 30 minutes. When the fish surfaced, it was the biggest fish I had ever seen. It glistened in the sunlight and flopped around the boat. My uncle helped me hold it up so we could get a picture with it. I was so proud! Then he threw it back in the water! Of course, I was taken aback. We were fishing for dinner so I thought I had sealed the deal and we could get out of the hot Augusta heat. My uncle explained that I caught a mudfish (the lowest of the low; it spends it’s life BELOW the mud barely breathing) and we wouldn’t be able to eat it.

So I got to thinking…

Excerpt From "Never No More" (My Unreleased Novel)

I returned to the scene of the crime.  2497 Halstead Drive.  A feeling of dread consumed me as I stared at Derrick’s car in the driveway.  I was never good with confrontation.  The ball was in my court, but I didn’t know what to do with it.  After sitting in the driveway for almost an hour, I decided it was time to face my demons. 

With bags in tow, I didn’t spend any time looking for Derrick.  I headed straight for the bedroom.  The California king sized bed was made with fresh linen and showed no signs of the infidelity committed by my husband.  A tear formed and I quickly brushed it away.  I had already done enough of that.  Derrick was somewhere in the house and the last thing I wanted was for him to find me crying.  I wanted him to feel my pain.  I wanted him to suffer.  I wanted him to pay.

My clothes and toiletries were back in their place and I tucked my luggage in the closet.  Still no sign of Derrick.  I stood directly in front of our bed looking for something, anything.  All that remained were the memories of what I witnessed. 

The door cracked.  The candles lit.  The sickening aroma of lust lingering in the air.  The sheets pulled taut with another woman’s hands.  Derrick sliding in and out, in and out, in and out of this stranger.  Anonymous screams echoed in my head.

I allowed that tear to fall.  Pain was pain and faking it only made matters worse.  Derrick managed to make me feel like a stranger in my own home.  No amount of apologies could rectify the damage he inflicted.  Just as I was about to burst into the spontaneous tears that crippled me, his deep voice interrupted.

“Roya, you came back.”  A guilty and run down excuse for the usual Derrick was standing in the doorway.  Wearing a wife-beater and his chill jeans, he looked unkempt and grubby.  The evidence of regret and distress was visible on his stubbly face.  He was definitely at his worst. 

I glanced at him long enough to become nauseous and returned my gaze to the bed.  If this was his half-hearted attempt to make me feel sorry for him, he was mistaken.

He quickly entertained the thought of how Alicia got her to leave at all.  Derrick was not used to this side of her.  Looking angrier than she had ever been, he was unsure that his plan would hold up.  She did come home though.  All he had to do was keep her there.  The script he prepared for her return had dissipated.  Small talk was the best he could muster. 

“How you been?  I’ve really missed you.”  

I turned and looked through him.  He knew where I was staying and if he cared anything about me, he wouldn’t be in this position. 

The look on her face was a mixture of rage, sadness, and utter disappointment.  She played ping-pong with her eyes and back and forth between him and the bed.  In a voice that was barely audible and purely evil, she asked, “So who is she?”

Derrick tucked his thumbs into the front pocket of his jeans.  Looking everywhere but directly at his wife, he replied, “She’s nobody.  I swear to you baby it meant nothing.” 

Derrick was fluent in English and BS.  She may have let his lies slide in the past, but it was a new day.  Her cold stare cut through his core.  Derrick was glad that he hadn’t fully entered the room.  He would never admit it, but the look scared the **** out of him.

“No Derrick, I meant nothing.”  The statement deserved a pause.  “You brought another woman into our home, our bed.  How are we supposed to move on from this?  I want to know who the **** she is!  Who is this person you feel so comfortable with bringing up in here?”

Derrick scratched the designated spot on the back of his neck reserved for lies.  He would not answer that last question.  There was no need to involve names.  Soroya already had enough ammunition. 

“Baby, I messed up.  I wasn’t thinking.  I promise I will never hurt you again.  I thought you were going to leave me.”

My anger escalated as I addressed my husband.  “I’ll be damned if you are going to disrespect me and get the satisfaction of freedom.”  Through my anger, I found a sense of power.  It was time to get what I wanted for a change.

“I’m sick of your **** Derrick.  Your promises don’t mean anything without proof.  You will not touch me until you get tested for EVERYTHING, we will get a new bed, and we are signing up for counseling next week.”

Derrick put his hands up in peaceful protest.  The other requests were doable, but counseling was a fate worse than death.

“Babe, we don’t have to take it that far.  We can work it out.  We can get through this.” 

Moving closer to me, I backed away in disgust.  He had pushed me too far and it would take more than a few words to console me.

“Maybe I wasn’t clear, but this isn’t optional.  This is my marriage too and I deserve respect.  You will stay away from that ***** and anybody else that you are messing with behind my back.  We will get through this because this is MY home and I am YOUR wife.  Don’t you ever forget that.”  I brushed past Derrick and left him to think about his actions.

After the conversation in the room that started it all, Derrick realized that his betrayal created a rift that he couldn’t easily bridge.   Even after fulfilling Soroya’s demands, their relationship was still strained.  Derrick lived in constant confusion, which was new to him.  Soroya continued to cook and clean, but she completely withdrew otherwise.  The only time she would speak was during their counseling sessions and sex was out of the question.  She refused to sleep in the same room with him even after their old bed was replaced and Derrick was given a clean bill of health.

Pretty soon, an entire month had passed with less than a few sentences shared between them.  Derrick needed the old Soroya back.  Not being in control was too much work.  He returned to the days where he showered Soroya with everything her heart desired.  Derrick spent countless amounts on apology cards, flowers, jewelry, and gifts.  The most recent gift was an engraved Tiffany’s tennis bracelet.  He was sure that one would steal her heart, but she barely mumbled thank you.  With every token, he believed that he was paying his way out of his indiscretion.

Soroya saw through his attempts because she knew they were short lived.  Her possession of the control was temporary until he decided to take it back.  Every day was a ticking time bomb with no detonation in sight.  Derrick would act and play whatever role in order to make her stay.  What she didn’t know was the curtain was about to fall.

Age Discrimination: A Poem That Shows Age ≠ Wisdom!

(Wrote this poem in college about someone I failed to appreciate initially.  Lesson: Get to know a person before subjecting them to your hang-ups and rules.)

You will probably never treat me the same

What is so disheartening is that I’m the one to blame

So how can I ever expect things between us to change

When the reason behind all this was due to MY shame

You could have lied and told me what I wanted to hear

When I found out, I pushed you away when you wanted to be near

As I think about why, I can’t pinpoint my fear

This is still killing me even though it’s been over a year

You were good enough when it came to what we could do

I focused more on the action and not enough on you

Although my days are full, I still find time to be blue

For never separating my thoughts from what was true

You never gave me a reason to be judgmental

I never did a background check or consider you credentials

Never took the time out to realize your potential

Leaving the results of my ignorance detrimental

Once it was over and done, you looked beyond what was shared

Doing everything in your power, you showed me you cared

Setting out to change my thoughts, you dared

Instead of appreciating your efforts I stupidly remained impaired

Now it’s much too hard for me to take the slack

How do you get someone’s attention that has already turned their back?

How do you pick up a train and put it back on the track?

And what else do you say when the words you seem to lack?

So this is my way of expressing how I feel

To let you know that I SEE what you wanted was real

I realize that your feelings you will probably forever conceal

It’s all my fault since I ignored what you chose to reveal

I just want you to know you will always be special to me

I’m so sorry it took so long for me to see

Now I have to live with the thought we may never be

And it’s all due to the fact that I had a bad case of A.D.

Are You Fighting A Battle By Yourself?!

(A Facebook note that I wrote one day when I was tired of fighting for nothing!)

(*Pic courtesy of http://www.militaryimages.net/)
Look around...If you are fighting alone
rethink your strategy!

Earlier this year, I found myself in full armor, fighting in the middle of a mine-ridden battlefield.  Every step I took was a potential disaster; every move I made was premeditated and time-consuming, and every two steps I made, I was thrown back six.  No, I wasn’t overseas and I’ve never been trained as a soldier!  This was a battle of love, one of lust, one where I ended up fighting for someone who wasn’t fighting for me.  I stopped making so much noise and that’s when I realized there was silence all around me.  It’s a hurtful situation when you realize that all the work you’ve put in the trenches never made a difference in who won or lost.  This week’s topic is picking your battles wisely and knowing when you are fighting a worthless battle.

Avoid Overlooking Obvious Obstacles!

This past week has been all about the reasons why relationships fail.  We have looked at why our actions should reflect sincere thoughts, the importance of being proactive instead of reactive, knowing when to leave the game behind, communicating your needs, trusting your partner and leaving the past in the past.  I hope that you have gained some insight into what should be important in your relationships.  For me, I feel blessed to be at a point where I can discuss, understand and live by the topics below.  In the spirit of saving the best for last, I want to discuss one of the major reasons why relationships don’t work.  One of those topics that most people don’t acknowledge until it is too late.  Today is all about making the critical mistake of forcing a connection when your standards, goals or expectations are not met.  In cases like these, we find ourselves sticking around waiting for change.  Unlike Sam Cooke’s song, a change may never come!  So read on to see how to admit to yourself when a match is wrong, the steps to take to make things right and setting your own realistic standards for future relationships.

"If you don't meet the standards, then you don't qualify."
Harold Ford

Don't Get Lost Down Memory Lane!

“No matter what I do/All I think about is you/Even when I’m with my boo/Boy you know I’m crazy over you.”

("Dillema" Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland; 2002)



Think twice before
you turn around!
The past is there
for a reason!



It’s catchy in a song, but honestly people this is not cute!  How often have you found yourself thinking about another person while in a relationship?  To get to my point, how often has this other person been someone from your past?  The past has a way of catching up with us, tapping our shoulder and beckoning us back to its tightening grip.  I’ve been guilty of following its lead and getting trapped in its comfortable confinement; even at the expense of a relationship.  I know, I know!  Simply deplorable, but I’m not the only one!  As humans, we crave attention and despise the idea of being alone.  Even the people who CLAIM they don’t need anybody to make them happy find themselves trapped under years of memories, surrounded by house-cats, or inundated by material things.  I digress!  Back to my original sentiments for the day, the past will always be tempting.  When we find that our current relationship is getting a little lackluster, this is the place we usually go in our minds, our hearts and sometimes our body parts join in! SMH! We must realize that the past is there for a reason.  It should not be a place we frequent when the going gets tough.  Read on to find out why the past is behind us, what we should do before getting into a new relationship and how we can use our past to shape our present and future.

The Significance of Trust!

Either you have it

or you don't!

Tyler Perry’s movies always make my neurons snap when it comes to relationships!  I was watching Why Did I Get Married? the other day and shaking my head at Angela’s behavior.  Instead of calmly discussing a situation, Angela refused to trust her husband or forgive him for anything he did wrong.  This negative banter caused him to retreat and lose confidence in his wife’s ability to communicate.  If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s an ignorant woman or man ranting and raving about their suspicions and beliefs concerning their partner!  Back to the “love” chain I spoke about yesterday, trust is the next rectangle above communication.  When a relationship lacks trust, the rest of the foundation lacks credible strength for anything else to grow.  Regardless of the type of relationship, trust is usually tested from different angles.  The past can play a large role in affecting the present, loose lips can attempt to sink your relationships ship J, mistakes can break trust making forgiveness a hard task, and some trust issues may cause irreversible damage.  Have you ever dealt with any of the situations below?  Here’s my take on them and what we can do to combat lack of trust in our relationships.

When Silence Turns Rusty!! Avoid Corroding Your Relationship!

“I heard a story about a husband and wife who were feuding and giving each other the silent treatment. One night he realized he needed her to wake him up at an early hour to catch a flight. Not wanting to humble himself and be the first to break the silence, he left her a note to wake him at 5 A.M. The next morning he awakened to find out that he had overslept by a couple of hours and had missed his flight. As he leapt out of bed to go and angrily confront her, he noticed a piece of paper on his nightstand. The note read, “It is 5 A.M. Wake up!”

(Story on "Silence" courtesy of "30 Days to Taming Your Tongue", by Deborah Smith Pegues)

Silence is not always
golden!

We have all been told that silence is golden. When you think about it though, nobody ever set the parameters to this common rule. Is silence the answer when your relationship lies in the balance? The story above is a classic example of where passive aggressive behavior and failing to communicate can get you…Absolutely Nowhere! According to the same book I got the above story from, the quote “silence is golden” is not a complete statement. The original statement was “Speech is silver, silence is golden.” What I derived from this is we need to learn the value of silence and the significance of effective speech. You can’t expect a relationship to work when communication is lacking or nonexistent. These are a few of the issues you can encounter when you let silence take front seat in your relationships.

The Game Has To End Sometime!

Ebonism #27: There is nothing wrong with playing the field, but once you find your MVP it’s time to leave the stadium.

Don't keep playing until
you reach this point!
Know when to take
a different road
and stay on it!

With football season here, I simply can’t get enough of the athletic innuendos! When I came up with this phrase, I was thinking about how greedy and self-centered we have become as a society. Monogamy is one of those words that make people cringe nowadays. With all of the options that are available to us, it seems like making one person our focus is preposterous. I mean who wants to have real and genuine love anyway?! Why have someone that you can share you hopes, dreams and fears with? Why give yourself to only one person when there are so many nameless faces, unseen personalities and questionable prospects?! Sadly, the idea of being a skilled friend, lover and confidant is a long lost art for many. I can’t begin to tell you how many people I know who believe that marriage is a trial run with a 50/50 chance of lasting or self-destructing. The long haul is such a terrifying prospect because with so many roads in front of us, why stop at just one! As a single woman, I have stumbled down a few roads that led to absolutely nowhere. When I did reach a road or two that seemed endless, the thought of travelling them made me turn back. That was then though and now I’m here to explain why building a relationship is worth way more than taking a lot of fruitless chances on strangers. Also why it’s so important to stop playing once you find the right teammate. :-)

Don't React Later; Be Proactive Now!

“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.”

~ Stephen R. Covey

Putting a band-aid on this
won't fix it!  Think before you
break someones heart.

Have you ever done/said something to a loved one that hurt them deeply? Did you regret your harshness or negative attitude toward them? Were you unable to restore the relationship to its original state? I’m sure that the answer is YES to each of these questions. So my last and final question is…WHY?! As people who can’t even define what love is, we are sometimes guilty of being reactive instead of being proactive. This type of behavior results in tattered relationships, horrid memories, and wasted apologies. Apologizing in many cases can be like putting a band-aide on a bullet wound. It may create a barrier, but the pain and destruction goes much deeper than the surface. The problem will also continue to ooze out in the future. It's better to consider what you say and do to the people you love BEFORE you do it because we never know how it may affect them. Like the quote says, our actions are a choice while the consequences of those actions are not. Here are a few tips to make the necessary transition from being a reactive person to a proactive one.

It's More Than The Thought That Counts!

You know it's bad
when you have to ask!

“It’s the thought that counts” is one of those phrases that just makes my blood boil! It’s an excellent example of the type of cliché mess that lets people off the hook for their lackluster attitude towards life. I recently received a “gift” that I honestly didn’t believe was for me. No Kanye, but everybody knows I’m a diva! My tastes are easy to pick up because they are what make me stand out. Needless to say, I was given a shot glass from someone who KNOWS I don’t drink like that. Of course I graciously accepted the gift and my face must have given it away that I wasn’t too crazy about it. So the dreaded phrase reared its ugly head, “It’s the thought that counts”. On the inside I was thinking, “Wow, you really didn’t think about me at all!” Not to come off as ungrateful, but when it comes to our intimate relationships with others, whether a friend or more, we should think about what really counts.

Allow Others to Be An Instrument in Your Success!

This MUST be where
my support system
lives!

All this week, I have been on my motivational tip!  I hope that these posts helped you to discover exactly what your goals are, how to reach them and also how to overcome the obstacles that may arise in this journey.  It would be wrong of me to say that all of my talents and wisdom come from my brain alone.  I am blessed to have many inspirational people in my life that help keep me grounded.  These same influential people also give me all the material I need to continue writing everyday!  One of my favorite Teddy Pendergrass songs is, "My Greatest Inspiration".  Whenever I hear it, I think about the one person who inspires, challenges and motivates me the most; my mom.  The lessons she has taught me, the wit and humor I inherited and the compassion that I have for others comes from her.  Not only did she give me the facets in my diamonds, she taught me how to be strong and stay determined.  I'm pretty blessed if I do say so myself!

And now a word from the Good Book!:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor; 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls and does not have another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 And while a man may prevail against the one, the two will withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

~Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

For The Ladies Only: Do YOU Already!!!

Don't be afraid to bloom!
Your layers are much deeper
than you know!

I am enamored with a recent issue of Essence magazine with Jada Pinkett-Smith on the cover. This issue is chocked full of reasons why it is so beautiful to be a black woman.  From our strength, to our class, to the way we give you the eye, our creativity, and often imitated, but never duplicated styles, we are a force to be reckoned with! However, this post isn't just about black women, it's about all women!  It saddens me to follow-up with the fact that so many of us are unfulfilled. Our priorities are often scattered. Our lives may not always equal our potential. Our dreams may be deferred or either lost due to the wrong elements getting full control. To top all of this off, we tend to put ourselves (and each other) down, whether consciously or unconsciously, because we don't feel that we can make the change we want to see in ourselves. I'm indubitably guilty of this charge and I accept it. My plan now is reprioritization and action!

This topic reminds me of the Wiz when all the shop workers were released from the tightening grip of the Wicked Witch. They did them! Didn't care who was looking! They may have taken off their clothes, but you don't have to go that far! Just take off the inhibitions, the fear, the caution, the doubt and see what is left. I think we would all be surprised at the "brand new day" we can have. When I think about the most influential women in my life, I am impressed and inspired by the boldness of their decisions, the confidence behind everything they do, and the effortless way in which they accomplish their goals. And somehow manage to carry the weight of the world on their backs and still glow like an incandescent moonstone!

We are blessed to live in a society where we are free to challenge what bothers us and stand up to what attempts to hinder us. Although we never experienced the struggles that the women in the past endured, we often place restrictions on ourselves that prevent us from moving forward. Just think about it; if you were told that you COULDN'T make your own money, COULDN'T attend school, COULDN'T read or write, COULDN'T speak before spoke to, you would either conform or resist. I want to be the type of woman that resists!

It sounds so easy,
but so few of us
actually do it!

The past year of my life has sparked a one-woman revolution! I don't second-guess my decisions, have thoughts about not being good enough, waste time questioning someone else's blessing, or seal my tomb before its time. I do me and there is nobody in this world that can do it better! I think sometimes we forget the strength we possess to change our mindset about any situation and be who we are destined to be. Also we get caught up in what we don't have, whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. It's not about having it all, but it is about working toward what we deserve. Write down your goals and tackle them. Write down your fears and burn them. Write down your dreams and live them!

So I leave you with this:

We all have it within us. The ability to refine and redefine our ideals about the type of women we want to be. This also includes accepting who we are and teaching those around us how to appreciate this transformation. Man, woman, child or other! We also owe it to ourselves as women to uplift one another by respecting, encouraging, and believing in our fellow sisters.

So live fearlessly, learn incessantly, love unconditionally and if you do nothing else, DO YOU!

Are YOU Holding Yourself Back?!

Get it done!
Waiting is a waste!

*Clear Throat*

"Hi. My name is Eboni and I'm a procrastinator."

Failure Speaking:

"Welcome!"

Failure loves a procrastinator the same way misery loves company! I still struggle with my addiction to putting off tomorrow what I can do today. It’s been a horrible habit that I have carried with me throughout life. It’s the same habit that left me crazed and anxious in college the night before a massive project was due. It’s the same habit that prevents me from being able to get past a certain chapter in my LONG awaited novel. It’s the same habit that often holds me back from conquering my fears of becoming the success I know I can be. Procrastination in all actuality is an obsession with perfection. For me, I have to make sure whatever I do is absolutely positively complete with every “i” dotted and every “t” crossed. This leaves many things undone and everything else trapped in the depths of my mind. How is this helping the world?! Ideas are great and all, but continuous action is what produces results.

One of my favorite quotes came from an article I found about finishing anything you start. It goes a little something like this:

“Don’t worry about getting it right – Get it done!”

~Anonymous

Time is ticking! Leave your mark
before time is up!

Going back to the ideas vs. action debate, this can be an extremely controversial quote. Some people may feel it is better to spend extra time to plan and do your best from the beginning. I fervently challenge this train of thought! Yes, I still struggle with procrastination but this quote has pushed me to fight a little harder. Getting something done is more important to me than getting it perfect. At least in the beginning stages that is. Once a product is complete or an idea has come to fruition, the hardest part now lies behind you. Revisions and changes are easy and doable when you have a stable foundation. Think about it, would you rather furnish an empty house or build a house from the ground up to furnish? If it was up to some people, they would never even have a roof over their head for procrastinating!

I found this article from Psychology Today entitled “Procrastination: Ten Things To Know”

www.psychologytoday.com/print/24800 and many things stuck out to me. One of my favorite sections from this article lists the “flavors” of this detrimental and self-sabotaging inclination. Which type are you?!

“People procrastinate for different reasons. Dr. Ferrari identifies three basic types of procrastinators:

1.  arousal types, or thrill-seekers, who wait to the last minute for the euphoric rush.

2. avoiders, who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success, but in either case are very concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability.

3. decisional procrastinators, who cannot make a decision. Not making a decision absolves procrastinators of responsibility for the outcome of events.”

Really?! 
Don't let this be you!

I’m ashamed to admit that I have been guilty of all three! I absolutely love the rush of completing a task just below the buzzer! I will put off working on my book because deep down I fear that it might not sell or either it will be so great I’m expected to replicate it! I also take way too much time to “think and plan” my tasks which results in never making a choice. So there you have it! Now you know that I am a certified procrastinator! HOWEVER, I am in the process of changing this pattern in my life. I made the choice to stop waiting and start doing when I lost my father. Of all the lessons I learned from this tragic event, this is one of the biggies. Life is not guaranteed to any of us and what we complete is our contribution to the world. I don’t want to be remembered for all the great ideas I had; I want to be known for the girl who did it all and never stopped!

Here are a few suggestions to getting your mojo back and making realistic strides toward your goals:

-Have a “PIFAP” (Partner In the Fight Against Procrastination)! This person will help keep you in line and support your accountability. Just make sure this person is about their business!

-Find a successful person in the field you want to pursue, famous or not so much, and pick up their blueprint. You never know if the road they took is one you can easily stroll down.

-Make a detailed plan and tackle one thing at a time. Spend thirty minutes working (the length of a sitcom!) and then take a break. Decide that you will finish the task that day and do it!

-Do something that you love and reward yourself for what you do accomplish.

-NEVER QUIT! If you stop, the game is over. If you keep going you just might win!

By the time you reach this point,
don't leave it open-ended!
Give life your best!

Don't Wait for The Fan Club To Pursue Your Fame!

Even without a stand full of fans, the game
must go on!

Goals.......Check!

Plan to Reach Said Goals.......Check!

Self-Motivation.......Check!

Becoming More Successful By The Minute.......Check!

Fans- ???....... “Where are my fans?!”

It is almost an unspoken rule that when someone you care about does something phenomenal, you should be there for them. Be their biggest support and encourage them to expand on their success and strive for more. Sometimes when you start exercising your inner genius that is when you realize who your fans really are.

I was having a great conversation with my friend Greg last night and he got me thinking about this topic. We are both in the same boat of starting something new, him a website and me a business and my blog. It is a fresh and exciting time where we are taking a chance and following the course we have set for ourselves. As with anything positive in this life, there is always a less favorable condition present. It means a lot for me to have my friends and family support my goals, but does that make me any less influential if they don’t? The answer to this is NO! Take a peek at some of these greats that didn’t wait for a following…

This club is not for the weak
or needy!  Are you working
your genius?!

• Sigmund Freud was booed from the podium when he first presented his ideas to the scientific community of Europe. He returned to his office and kept on writing.
• Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
• Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas."
• Van Gogh sold only one painting during his life. And this to the sister of one of his friends for 400 francs (approximately $50). This didn't stop him from completing over 800 paintings.

These success stories and many more courtesy of this fabulous link:

But They Didn't Give Up!

I couldn’t have said it any better if I tried! When you set out on the road to success, you will sometimes find that you are on it alone. That doesn’t mean this is the wrong road to take, it just means nobody has discovered how much potential is there yet. Give it some time and people will come around. The ironic thing is that it may take for a stranger to stumble onto your road and let the rest of the world know about it.  We can’t always wait on the people in our lives to give us the green light to achievement. Finding motivation within ourselves should be our constant. When I think of my love for writing, I want to share it everyday! My blog is an expression of the woman I am and how far I have come. It is my hope that someone will read it and gain exactly what they need in the time that they need it. This reminds me of an artist that I didn’t give a chance until I heard a song on his 2nd CD and was upset for not becoming a fan earlier!

 When I heard Musiq Soulchild’s song, “Half Crazy”, I was awestruck! Years ago when it came out, I patiently waited for his CD to be released and ran straight to Best Buy after school to purchase it. When I got there I realized he was not a new artist as I suspected and bought both CD’s. (A little thing called “support”!) It just goes to show that you may happen to become infatuated much later than a person would prefer. I’m sure when he started out as an artist he wanted the world to know how talented he was. It took me a while, but I eventually gave him the props he deserved and will continue to support his career. However, it shouldn’t take celebrity status, spectacular television displays and endless supplies of money for us to support the ones we love and know.

 For the Fam & Friends of a Determined Loved One: 

Often times jealousy, pride and a selfish attitude will prevent us from being there for someone. Decide today that you will discover what was placed in you to share with the world and focus on that! When you aren’t focused on being the best person you can be, take a walk down a road someone else is paving. Whatever you do, give a fair chance to this person in their pursuit of success. The work they are putting in is some of the freshest, untainted gifts they could give. Count yourself blessed that you know them before the fame and don’t take for granted the time you have to show your support. Besides, it makes no sense to give someone the flowers after they are dead!

Don't stop to check who is
watching!  Keep going and
see who watches you!

For the People Creating Their Destiny: 

If you are chasing your success, don't worry about who isn't there.  Be the best you can be regardless of who is watching.  If you spend too much time looking back, you will never get too far.  Also, the road ahead will have at least one person who takes notice and assists in your journey. THEY are your fan club!  We can place a lot of pressure on the people we love to be there, but they are not obligated to.  Work hard for what you want and don't ever question if it's worth it.  It's not the people who start that matter; it's the people that finish.  You would be surprised who is invested in your dreams at the end of it all.  

So strive for the best, don't worry or stress, and let God handle the rest!  Love ya!