When Good Just Isn't Good Enough

Will the curtain close on our
friendship?

I'm a fan of a good play.  Watching a story unfold on stage and never quite knowing what is going to happen.  Relating to a charater based on the situation they are connected with.  Wondering what's going on behind the scenes when the curtain falls.  Anticipating what will happen when they go back up.  Good times!  My life has always been a stage.  Various colorful characters, vivid and captivating scenes, drenched with drama, and a surprise around every corner.  Many scenes in my life have ended without my knowledge and I was left standing solo on stage.  There is this one particular scene though that is in constant transition.  One that has soothed me when I was worried.  One that has confused me beyond belief.  One that has hurt me more than any other.  I'm left to wonder how this situation will play out. 

Carrying on with the "Lies, Secrets, and Betrayal" week, I found it only appropriate to talk about a friend/love-ship that I have with someone.  We have had our share of arguments, betrayal, lies, and secrets.  Every time we have worked it out and bounced back stronger, but I'm getting to a point where I don't think I can do it anymore.  I've recently dealt with and tolerated the latest betrayal, almost foolishly.  Now I'm faced with deciding if this entire relationship is worth holding on to.  As much as I love them, they have put me in a box that is confining and borderline demeaning considering the type of woman I am.  It leads me to think of a saying my mom instilled in me...

"Baby, sometimes good just ISN'T good enough."

So when you don't know what to do, what do you do?  It's always harder when you love someone unconditionally.  You find yourself sticking around despite the qualms in your past.  I honestly don't remember every fight, but the residual effects from each have built up and created a block.  This same block is creating an invisible rift between us that I fight to conquer every day.  I don't know about you, but I'm tired of always being the bigger person.  The one to make the difficult phone calls, initiate the uncomfortable conversations, and ultimately decide the fate of a relationship on your own.  I've known this person for many years and with all the changes we have went through, I know they have done their part in fixing what they destroyed.  Our relationship is like a bridge that keeps sparking up at the corners, but never quite burns down.  Eventually, I'm worried that the fire is going to catch and we will be separated for more than a few weeks or months.  We will be over and our friendship will disintegrate into oblivion.

I don't want to leave, but
a part of me needs to know
the nearest exit just in case!

For right now, I'm taking my time to weigh my options.  As much as we have done for each other, I know there is something missing.  For once, we may not be able to talk this one out.  My love will always be there, but like I said in a previous post, "You can love someone, but that has nothing to do with whether they are in your life."  Since my life is a stage and this scene is kicking my butt, I'm really considering gracefully exiting stage left.  It may be a rash decision, but after all this stress, a girl could really use an intermission!  Ta-ta for now and hopefully I will get my life together my loves!