S(Mothered): Single Mothers Raising Boys

Disclosure Statement: This is not a post to blame or critique mothers.  With any rule, there is an exception.  Even within a two-parent home, there are no guarantees for effective parenting.  There are many examples of exceptionally strong and well-rounded men who were raised without their fathers.  As a young woman with a keen eye and discerning spirit, I am speaking of those who were adversely affected by never having a strong, positive male role model.

The old cliché “Like father, like son” has undergone an overhaul in recent generations!  Subtract father; add mother and we have a problem that just doesn’t equal up.  In almost every aspect of life, women have become the modern day super-hero.  Although able to tackle numerous things without breaking a sweat, there is one thing that the wonder women of our time cannot do alone…raise a man.  Approximately 84% of custodial parents are women according to the US Census Bureau*.  Many of these mothers are enduring the daunting task of raising their sons without the father/father figure to assist in the parenting process.  It is not only unfair to the mothers; it is unfair to society as a whole. 

 

“It’s easier to fix a boy than to raise a man.”

-Anonymous

Being a momma’s boy has its downside.  Even the connotation conjures negative images!  Think about the young men in your life that do not have their fathers or a positive male figure.  Surely, there will be lessons that they learn through flighty friends and negative influences.  Without a real man to discredit these lessons, they can suffer.  Without the tools they need to be productive and stable men, they could grow into bigger boys.  Unfortunately, there are many men that are drifting further into adulthood grasping desperately to their own concepts about what it means to be a man.  I may not be an expert, but there is a need for some accountability from fathers and other males.  Women should not have to do it all.  This burden is often being dropped in the long run which can translate into various problems in adulthood.  These problems run the gamut from underdeveloped men, increases in dating disasters, and more children being born into single family households.    

This cycle has got to stop.  Unfortunately, we have reached a point where it is bound to continue if we do not step up as a whole.  Since I found this such an issue, I devised some solutions that everybody and anybody can utilize.

1)      If you are a single mother to a son, acknowledge the fact that your child needs strong male role models.  You should not have to carry the weight by yourself.  There is a fabulous website called Raising Him Alone, http://www.raisinghimalone.com/.  “Raising Him Alone (RHA) is dedicated to researching, designing, and implementing a campaign to support the social well-being of single mothers raising boys.”

2)      If you are a father to a son, realize that your presence is necessary.  There is a huge difference between letting your son grow up and playing an instrumental part in raising him.  Money is not the only element in a child’s development.  Your time, knowledge and mistakes can serve as your son’s blueprint for success in the future. 

3)      For the men out there who know what it means to be a real man, share the wealth!  Reach back and offer your services as a mentor, tutor or role model.  We have to be the village that young boys need to become men.  Your influence could touch a child’s life forever, but you have to be willing to do so.

4)      For the women out there that want children, be thoughtful of who you procreate with.  Make sure your relationship is worthy of bringing children into.  There are no guarantees in life, but your child deserves two parents and an established start. 

Many would say that a child needs both parents in order to have a complete, well-rounded upbringing.  I believe that a child needs positive role models of both sexes in their lives; whether that is a mother and father or combination of people.  So with all that said…trust there will be more to come!

If you liked this post, check out a similar one: "Being A Dad Does Not Make You A Father"

^{United States. Census Department. Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007. By Timothy S. Grall. Census, 2009. 26 Feb. 2010 [http://www.census.gov/prod/2009pubs/p60-237.pdf].}