People Please...Regroup Before You Rebound!

 

Leave it at the door!

Have you ever mistakenly asked someone “So what happened with your last relationship?”  Many dating experts would say you should NEVER delve into someone else’s past.  I beg to differ.  This question, as touchy as it may be, can reveal a lot about a person.  Aside from the dancing skeletons and eye-popping confessions, this question has brought me something much more sinister…the shocking truth that this person is not over their past.  I will never forget the last time I asked this question while on a date.  BIG MISTAKE!  Before long I knew the girl’s name, saw a picture and even got the run down on the break-up.  Instead of enjoying the date, I ended up being the shoulder to cry on, the therapist and the rebound specialist!  How pathetic!  I’ve spoken in quite a few posts about leaving your past behind.  For some of us, that is impossible.  What if the loneliness and regret is killing you?  How can you move on when your heart is still stuck?  How about NOT moving on!  This would seem like the logical step; however we are sometimes forced to keep it moving when we aren’t ready.  Starting from the cusp of life after a break-up, I devised these suggestions to moving on with grace at a customized pace! 






Let your heart heal!



STEP 1) After a Break-Up: Just because one door closes, another one will not magically open until its time.  Find comfort in the time and space between both doors.  Deny the feeling to fill a void out of loneliness or desperation.  You can make the mistake of forcing a relationship that was never meant to be.  Taking the necessary time you need to get yourself together is essential.  Rediscover the benefits, or lack thereof, of your own company.  You may be surprised at who you have become!  Determining who you are and what you have learned can produce more desirable results in future relationships.  Often we feel like we have to fight through our pain by being with someone else.  Instead, turn to those who have held solid positions in your life and allow them to be your support.  If they don't want to hear it anymore, spiritual leaders/therapists/advisers can be of help! 

Let them get to know
you, not what happened
to you.

STEP 2) When You Start Meeting New People: Start fresh!  When you find that everything and everyone reminds you of the past, start from Step 1 and come back to this later!  It's not attractive to fill every empty space in conversation with memories and regrets from your past.  Allow a person to get to know YOU.  You may never know the benefit and value a new person can bring to your life if you let them.  Life is not a competition of how many people you can meet/date.  However, life IS about making lasting and meaningful connections.  Make every new meeting a positive experience and save your venting for those who know you and your unique situation.  



Let the door
shut first!



STEP 3) Starting a New Relationship:  If the new door is opening, remove your foot from the old one!  Make sure your proper doors and windows are sealed shut before committing to someone new!  Close out your business and let your past be just that!  If you are remaining friends or have a relationship with a former flame due to certain circumstances, make sure the boundaries are clear.  Your new relationship deserves an unobstructed path on which to travel.  Also if necessary, communicate where your past has taken you and how that affects your present.  The right person will be able to handle this conversation…but only when the time is right! 

At least not when it comes
to our past!

Before you get all gussied up and go on another pointless date, ask yourself…Am I really beyond my past?  If not, you may want to deal in the present to relinquish your past before heading for the future.  Some of you may not get that so I challenge you to read it again!  It's common and human to have thoughts and memories of your past.  It is yours after all!  There will always be factors that contributed to who you are now and what you are able to give.  You of all people should be aware of that. In order for your future to be fresh, new and positive you have to quantify what your past means in relation to what your future could hold. 

           So stop burdening others with your crap!  Don't move forward until your past is a wrap!

***Did this post speak to you?!  Check out two of my others that probably will too!***

"Don't Get Lost Down Memory Lane!"

"The Benefit In Breaking Up"