The Unsexy Side of Role Reversal!

Of course we can...but what will
the man be doing?!



Last week as I was getting my nails pampered, I flipped through a recent issue of Cosmo magazine.  Not impressed by the usual Kama Sutra crap, I stumbled upon an article entitled “Why Men in Love Are Dragging Their Feet.”¹ BINGO!  Right up my alley and blog worthy!  This article left such a bad taste in my mouth about the state of today’s relationships.   As an employment specialist, one of my major tasks is discovering what my client can do.  I interview them to find out what their KSA’s (knowledge, skills and abilities) consist of.  When I’m not at my day job, I also do this to men I date.  We talk and I get to know who they are, what they know, what they can do and what they can’t.  Based on this article, the modern man can’t do much at all!  You should have seen the look of shock and awe on my face as I read a woman’s perspective on getting a man to move his feet in any stage of a relationship.  According to a contributing quote from Dr. Allen Berger, author of Love Secrets Revealed,

“Men are going through this weird moment…That traditional take-charge position that they once played in a relationship is becoming obsolete, and they’re trying to figure out their new role.” (112-113)

 There is no doubt that male/female roles are shifting, but come on doc!  We need to stop making excuses for men despite society’s changes.  Men carve out space, energy and time for their interests; whether it is work, sports, technology or even women (shocking I know)!  So with all this said, what exactly is the role of the modern man?  Travel with me through the first four major stages of a relationship and get the articles’ view vs. my own…

Making the first move can set the precedence
for the entire game. 

Asking You Out

The Article…basically says that men have an intensified fear of asking women out because of the recession, their fear of rejection and the now acceptable “woman making the first move” rules of today.  Also suggests that a woman give a man the green light.  Dr. John Houran suggests, “You have to pump his ego and learn how to give him a strong “go” signal so he’s confident asking you out.” (113)

Ms. Mocha…believes that a man should seek out a woman.  I’ve come across men like this, but my belief is that if we have a common interest in each other during our first meeting, there should be no hesitation regardless of recession, rejection or rules.  Either we both discuss pursuing a date or he makes the first move.  Also, everybody that looks your way is NOT always interested!

Sealing the Deal (Sexually)



Remote or not...men know
what they want



The Article…says that a poll confirmed that a man with genuine interest would wait until after a fifth date to become intimate with a woman.  The reason for the holdup according to experts is because men are intimidated by women’s increased sexual prowess and don’t want to disappoint.  If you find yourself after the fifth date with no sex…hit the switch and turn on that green light again! (114)

Ms. Mocha…is rolling her eyes!  Now I agree that waiting can be a good thing, but I doubt that men waiting until after a fifth date need a green light.  They may need another woman! As I stated earlier, men KNOW what they want.  You don’t need to remind, console or convince.   Also women are increasing in sexual prowess or embracing celibacy because men are dragging their feet!  It’s a double-edged sword.

Committing to a Serious Relationship



Trust me...he knows the answer!  If you have
to convince him it's right, then it's wrong!

 The Article…actually has a good point!  Men have more amazing prospects because so many women are successful, beautiful and put-together today.  Commitment isn’t the first option because there are so many options.  Also, there is no longer a timeline on dating so men feel they can waste more time and explore more.  Dr. Meyers suggests communicating your needs, backing up and allowing him to decide if you are the one. (114)

Ms. Mocha…agrees with one thing in particular.  If a man can’t see you for your worth, regardless of the endless choices, move on.  There is a surplus of wonder women out there, but once again if a man wants a woman, nothing will prevent him from sealing the deal.  Not even that equally successful, beautiful woman he may come across.  By the way, it’s a damn shame that women are running circles around men in almost everything! I digress…

Tying the Knot



It's a choice!  One he has to make!

 The Article…says that our generation is delaying marriage for a variety of reasons.  People are taking more time to secure their own futures, men fear that women want marriage for the wrong reasons and men doubt themselves with being able to satisfy a woman’s expectations of marriage (ring, ceremony, etc.)  A woman needs to make it clear that she wants to be engaged and should create a time in which she wants to be married (w/o telling him).  If it doesn’t happen, move on. (115)

Ms. Mocha…is aware that marriage can be a daunting task and should be entered in with fear.  However, if a man fears what he is doing with a particular woman, there is more to worry about than marriage.  Deciding, proposing and marrying are still the responsibility of a man.  He needs to want it for himself or it will surely fail.  I do however agree with being honest about what you want.  Communication is always the key.



Stop accepting laziness!  It's getting
us nowhere!



So my belief stands…Men are more capable than they are given credit for.  If you have to pour the water, set it in a particular spot, lead him to it and make him drink it…you are wasting your time!  People will always change as the years go by, but that doesn’t mean the old ways should be abandoned.  Just because women have picked up more responsibility doesn’t mean we should also scoop up the role of a man too.  Every role should NOT be reversed!  Stay tuned to find out WHY I think men are changing…

1)      Knoll, Jessica. “Why Men In Love Are Dragging Their Feet.” Cosmopolitan  March 2001: 112-115.