Ebonistic Thoughts from MochaFoxx: 50th Post Extravaganza!!! The Devil You Know...

Monday, November 8, 2010

50th Post Extravaganza!!! The Devil You Know...

Pop the champagne and let’s celebrate! This is officially my 50th post! Kind of hard to believe that in the span of three months, I have had this much on my mind! I’ve covered motivation, relationships, friendships, love, life, and even animals! I must say that I am really enjoying this blogging thing. ☺

Up until now, you have seen many sides of me. After seeing For Colored Girls, I want to give you another side of me. The Eboni that weeps for those affected by others, fights for those who are powerless and prays for everyone involved. For the first time in my life, I shed tears in a movie theatre over a scene that will forever replay in my head. Today’s topic is about date rape and its ramifications. (Keep in mind that I am discussing a man raping a woman, but ANYBODY can rape another person regardless of their sex.)

Trust is earned. Once broken
it CAN be taken back.

We have been taught as children that no means no. This simple word should be the end all when spoken. It should stop people in their tracks. It should prevent bad things from happening. What happens when no is not enough? When “no” gets lost in the shuffle of calculated and damaging actions? What words can conquer the force of a man onto a woman? Rape is a questionable and confusing act, but date rape affects a deeper level of trust and faith in those we think we know. In the film, Anika Noni Rose plays a beautiful and effervescent woman who is dating a seemingly charming and trustworthy man. Everything about their blossoming relationship was innocent with no prelude to the dangers that lie ahead. In her level of comfort, she invited him into her home and he invited himself into her. I watched this same beautiful, effervescent woman be stripped of her spirit on screen and in real life.

Any questions?! Protect your life
and your choice!

Tears streamed down my face for this character and the real woman in my life affected by this devastating and life-altering act. I’m sure many people would blame the character in the movie for letting this man into her home, but who points the fingers at the sadistic SOB who would tear a woman’s panties off and invade her most intimate part? In my presentations on sexual choices, I tell the audience that it doesn’t matter what level you have reached; when you say NO all bets are off. That means whether you kissed once, thought about having sex, messed around a little, or went all the way, sex is a privilege, not a right. Many people assume that a man’s physical force coupled with a woman’s inability to protect herself emotionally or physically is a good enough excuse for rape. Or even that a woman “must want it” because she provoked a man with her inundating charm. As with abuse, rape is not a blame game where the woman loses. Regardless of the circumstances in which a woman is sexually assaulted, there is no excuse for a man forcing sexual acts onto a woman.

Despite the situation
there is ALWAYS hope.

In order to properly assist others in the prevention of rape or date rape, it is important to know what it is. The stereotypical image of a man draped in black, masked face waiting in the bushes to pounce on an unsuspecting female is very possible, but often misconceived. Three quarters of rape incidents are by a person the victim knows in some capacity. Also, the use of drugs may or may not be incorporated in a rape. Often being defined as a crime of passion or a criminal sex act, rape often has nothing to do with sex or passion. Rape is an execution of power to gain control. Many rapists are calculating masterminds with a sick and demented need for power over people they know. Know your facts about rape and NEVER blame the victim. Violation is shattering enough without having the world chastising the innocence of a victim.

For the women in my life, we are all left to cope alone after a rape has occurred. How do you ever trust again? How do you date comfortably? How do you let your guard down when you see what can happen? When is it ever ok? How do you heal? My mother and I recently had a conversation and I was carrying on about the movie and asking her the questions above. She, in her wise way, shared with me that life is not about being fearful, but being prepared, cautious and optimistic. Everybody is not the same. There is life after rape and if you are dealing with it personally or helping someone else cope, there is support and help available. It’s not easy being a victim, but there is power in being a survivor.