Don't Get Lost Down Memory Lane!

“No matter what I do/All I think about is you/Even when I’m with my boo/Boy you know I’m crazy over you.”

("Dillema" Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland; 2002)



Think twice before
you turn around!
The past is there
for a reason!



It’s catchy in a song, but honestly people this is not cute!  How often have you found yourself thinking about another person while in a relationship?  To get to my point, how often has this other person been someone from your past?  The past has a way of catching up with us, tapping our shoulder and beckoning us back to its tightening grip.  I’ve been guilty of following its lead and getting trapped in its comfortable confinement; even at the expense of a relationship.  I know, I know!  Simply deplorable, but I’m not the only one!  As humans, we crave attention and despise the idea of being alone.  Even the people who CLAIM they don’t need anybody to make them happy find themselves trapped under years of memories, surrounded by house-cats, or inundated by material things.  I digress!  Back to my original sentiments for the day, the past will always be tempting.  When we find that our current relationship is getting a little lackluster, this is the place we usually go in our minds, our hearts and sometimes our body parts join in! SMH! We must realize that the past is there for a reason.  It should not be a place we frequent when the going gets tough.  Read on to find out why the past is behind us, what we should do before getting into a new relationship and how we can use our past to shape our present and future.

There is no bail for
becoming a prisoner
of the past!

Our fearless leader, Barack Obama once said “Whatever we think of the past, we must not be prisoners to it.” (Speech 6-4-2009)  Maybe putting it like this is exactly what some people need to get the message!  Being a prisoner to our past is a dangerous game to play.  Whenever we find that our current situation is not the way it could be, we remember good times that may or may not have existed.  The rose colored glasses get put on and the same person we couldn’t stand a few months or years ago is suddenly desirable!  We long to return to ensure that leaving wasn’t a mistake.  Stepping backwards is not always the answer.  In many cases it can cause more harm than good.  Old relationships can be the equivalent of a childhood blanket.  They may have provided comfort at one point, but eventually got old, dirty, tattered, smelly and useless.  Let the past be just that; the past!  Don’t become jaded because things aren’t perfect in your current relationship.  Write out a pro and con list and quantify what is more important; taking a chance on a blast from the past or learning to grow with the new one you know! Recognize when you have grown as a person and realize that if something ended, in most cases it is better off left alone.


Don't let the past
project onto your future!
Take a time out before
starting something new!



One of my favorite songs from R&B singer Omarion was “Icebox”.  I had every version, all the remixes AND the chopped and screwed!  In this song, he is battling moving forward with a new woman when he is still hurting and cold over the old one.  She is left to pay for the mistakes that someone else made.  How preposterous!  Earlier in the week I spoke about being proactive instead of reactive.  Before we step into a new relationship with an icy heart and old memories, we should consider thawing ourselves out.  Don’t subject a new partner to your past and what happened there.  It may take some time, ALONE, before you can move on and be prepared to give your all in a new relationship.  Before you cringe at the thought of taking a break between relationships, take a look at this quote:

“One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.”
– Michael Cibenko

Pressure to embark on something new is always there, but you have to know when you are ready.  When we grab the first thing that comes along after a detrimental break-up, we don’t always view it for what it could be.  We enter someone’s life unprepared to share our love and leave them hurt and confused from our constant comparisons from the past.  This person could have been our future, but you never know what you can be when you decide what it can’t be.  So before you rebound…REGROUP!  Stop and allow the happenings of the past to disintegrate into what should be left; the memories of what was good AND bad, the person you transformed into as a result and what you learned from the experience.

No matter the contents,
the present is a gift!

With all of the stuff stated today, the past is NOT to be forgotten.  When you choose to forget it, you are doomed to repeat it.  So what exactly are you supposed to do with it?!  Our relationships from the past serve a lifelong purpose.  They teach us lessons, test our strength and expose our weaknesses.  From the lessons we learn, our knowledge bank should get a deposit and we should move forward realizing our needs and wants.  Our strength should become more resilient from the testing it endured.  What was once a weakness should be transformed into strength.  Take these skills and transfer them to your new relationship.  Treat people well or let them find someone who will.  Once you have quantified what the past means for your future, there should be an ample amount of time between each.  Think about it like this…When you leave an old place, there is always a time span between where you came from and where you will end up.  Life is not a time machine and we need the journey to make us appreciate the destination.  So STOP!  Before you pick up that phone, search for that profile, send that e-mail or fall into the arms of a past flame, consider what your present represents or what your future holds.  Don’t miss out because you are still holding on to an old security blanket!  So whether you are alone or in something new, let the past go and discover how good NOW can really feel!