“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.”
~ Stephen R. Covey
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| Putting a band-aid on this won't fix it! Think before you break someones heart. |
Have you ever done/said something to a loved one that hurt them deeply? Did you regret your harshness or negative attitude toward them? Were you unable to restore the relationship to its original state? I’m sure that the answer is YES to each of these questions. So my last and final question is…WHY?! As people who can’t even define what love is, we are sometimes guilty of being reactive instead of being proactive. This type of behavior results in tattered relationships, horrid memories, and wasted apologies. Apologizing in many cases can be like putting a band-aide on a bullet wound. It may create a barrier, but the pain and destruction goes much deeper than the surface. The problem will also continue to ooze out in the future. It's better to consider what you say and do to the people you love BEFORE you do it because we never know how it may affect them. Like the quote says, our actions are a choice while the consequences of those actions are not. Here are a few tips to make the necessary transition from being a reactive person to a proactive one.
Fight Fair!:
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| Love is not a battlefield! If you must fight, fight fair! |
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. No matter how compatible, how caring, how long you’ve been together or how much you know about your mate, fights and disagreements are bound to happen. Whether they are small or devastatingly large issues, it’s important to fight fair. Chances are you know exactly what buttons to push or lines to cross that will destroy your relationship. Sometimes we forget that arguments are a lack of communication and not a fight to the death, closed caged event. It’s important to speak for yourself and never approach the lines or reach for the buttons which will purposefully hurt someone you love. Take the time you need to regroup and formulate the right combination of words or actions that will explain how you feel as well as quell your mates concerns.
Communicate and Don’t Run!:
I mentioned above that it’s important to take your time in approaching a harsh and trying situation. HOWEVER, don’t spend more time than necessary and don’t walk away from a disagreement. This is a tough dance to accomplish, but it can be done. The trick is to communicate what you need, allow the other person to voice their concerns and follow-through with what you agree with. It’s ok to take some time to walk away, but it’s not ok to walk away without an explanation. Failing to communicate your needs can result in the other person losing faith in your ability to handle problems. You also never know how someone feels until you ask them. Don’t expect a person to read your mind and don’t assume they know how you feel. Take the time to step out of yourself, face what may intimidate you and reveal what you need through your words.
Remember Why You Love This Person:
When you aren’t invested in a person, it is easier to dismiss their feelings. This should not be the case with someone you care about. In the depths of a strong and lasting debate/argument/negative event in a relationship, we can become jaded by the excitement and drama. This causes words and actions to evolve that normally wouldn’t under better circumstances. No matter how angry you get, remember the good times. Every relationship has, or had, a high, climactic peak where all of your precious and beautiful memories live. Go there whenever you think about treating someone you love like an insignificant being. Trust me, you will usually realize the drama is not worth risking your relationship.
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| Don't let your love go missing! Treat them right before you have to ask, "Have you seen them?!" |
We tend to forget that people have a choice! Some actions are automatic deal-breakers and depending on the number of times you have chipped away at someone’s faith in you, your last time could very well be your last time. It’s so imperative that we understand how powerful our words and actions can be when we use them to intentionally hurt. You can’t expect to maintain a healthy and prosperous relationship with continuous blows, either emotional, mental or physical to your significant other. Failing to acknowledge your mistakes leaves you doomed to repeat them. Sorry doesn’t always cut it and once a person turns away from you, it may be too late to react.
Be Consistent or Leave It Alone:
If you aren’t the type of person to think before you speak, fight fair, appreciate what you have, or tough out the hard times, you have to anticipate relationship failure. All of the practices above take WORK! Anything worth having takes WORK! Some people aren’t worth your time from the word go. You usually know that early on and it’s your responsibility to decide how long they will stick around. For the people that ARE worth your time, give them what they deserve. Be consistent and prove to them that you can put their needs in a category equal to your own. If you find this is too much, leave it alone. It may hurt the both of you temporarily, but in the long run you will have done them a favor.
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| Play your cards right the first time! Love takes planning, strategy and patience. |
This is one of those topics that is near and dear to my heart. Not only have I been guilty, but I have also been the victim. We can’t expect grace and mercy when we cause pain and strife. If too many lines have been crossed, there is usually no reaction that can counteract what was done. Memories have a tendency to linger whether you want them too or not. Be aware of the memories you create for others. Instead of just thinking before you speak, also think before you do! The people we love and care for are worth taking the time to consider how they will feel after all is said and done. And with all that said, I’m done!! Love ya!
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