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| Know the red flags! |
We learned yesterday that abuse is a pattern. It is a meticulously built tool to maintain control over a partner. Before abuse becomes physical, there are usually a number of warning signs that happen in any relationship that are clear indicators that a person has abusive tendencies. It is important to know that abuse can happen in ANY relationship…friendships, work relationships, intimate partner relationships etc. The following warning signs can be executed by men OR women and set the basis for further abuse.
WARNING SIGNS OF DOMESTIC/DATING/RELATIONSHIP VIOLENCE:
-ISOLATION: This is usually one of the first signs because it is subtle. Most people feel flattered when their partner wants to spend all their time with them. After some time, other relationships become severed usually before more critical and dangerous abuse surfaces. Isolation leaves a person helpless to discuss their issues with others when the abuse does increase.
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| When jealousy becomes bigger than it should, take your heart back! |
-POSSESSION & JEALOUSY: If your partner accuses you of using tactics to entice the opposite sex and exhibits jealous behavior that is not healthy. They will get angry, sad or emotional if you are connected to anyone other than them. Also “claims” you as theirs alone and gets angry or upset when other people notice you. This red flag is often mistaken for love and concern when in fact it is a tool to keep you tied to a person.
-DEMANDS CONTROL: If a person needs to dictate every activity or convinces you that your opinion is not good enough in your relationship, this is a definite warning sign. When a person takes the “I” out of team and it becomes about what THEY want, it is time to reevaluate. They will usually display extreme anger or conflicting emotions when they can’t get their way.
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| Ups and downs with emotions are a MAJOR sign! |
-CONFUSING TEMPERS AND EMOTIONS: When you notice that a person cannot control their temper or tend to flip back and forth between extreme highs and lows toward you or others, these are signs of inconsistency and lack of control over emotion. They may apologize and treat you nicely, but this will be short-lived at best. Over time, this can become a larger issue which ultimately leads to more aggressive and longer lasting outbursts.
-MYSTERIOUS BACKGROUND: This one is tricky because some people may not discuss their past for reasons other than abuse. If you notice any of the above signs coupled with this mysterious aspect, you may have an abuser on your hands. Also for men or women, their view of the opposite sex’ role can also be a warning sign. Watch how they speak and respond to others.
-ATTEMPTS TO CHANGE YOU/EXPECTS YOU TO BE PERFECT: Abusers find fault in everything their partner does. They will say I love you and in the same breath, find a flaw that needs immediate attention on your part. If you have to change everything about who you are, a person doesn’t care about you and will continue to alter you until you no longer know who you are.
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| Love comes with time. Don't allow quick attachments to blur your vision! |
-GETS ATTACHED QUICKLY: Saying “I Love You” too early, pushing for a serious commitment or offering one within the first few weeks or months or claiming that “I can’t live without you” may seem positive, but they are forms of control. A healthy partnership should have a natural progression with both partners deciding where the relationship will go.
-BLAMES YOU/THE WORLD FOR THEIR PROBLEMS: Abusers are insecure and will use personal issues as scapegoats for damaging behavior in relationships. It’s ok to support someone, but when you start to become the reason behind every problem in their life, this is a sign of worse behavior to come.
Tomorrow: Why Do They Stay? Understanding the mind of a victim...
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