Lesson #3: Real Women Don't Chase Men

 

When I was in high school, I never took any relationship seriously.  Nobody was worth my time and what one person wouldn’t do, another would.  I kept that mentality until I came across someone who I couldn’t quite catch, mold or train.  Trading in my heels for some Nikes, I commenced to chase this guy.  BIG MISTAKE!  Of all the lessons I have learned in my lifetime, this was one of the biggest.  Real women don’t chase men.  In fact, real woman don’t walk briskly to catch a man!  They know their worth and allow themselves to be found.  It takes a strong and confident woman to know what she brings to the table and exactly what type of man will appreciate these offerings.  Since it took me a minute to learn this, I make sure all the young women in my life understand that no man is worth the chase.

Now, I’m not saying that if a female meets someone worthy of her time that she doesn’t give him a chance.  I simply mean that all young women should be taught that they are worth being found and appreciated, being treated with respect and when to slow down enough for the right man to catch them.  My little cousin and I recently had a conversation that made me think long and hard about this.  She is IN LOVE with this guy at her school.  When I say gone, this chick is GONE!  I listened to her for about ten minutes carrying on about everything except his time of birth until she finally surfaced for air.  When she stopped I asked her… “And what does he know about you?”  She gave me the “deer in headlights” look.  After this awkward pause, I explained to her the three things mentioned above.

1) She is worth being found and appreciated:  During her rant, my cousin mentioned that her crush is the talk of the school.  So I concluded that he is used to being chased.  When I asked how he treated her, she basically described herself as a number on his list.  Not OK!  It is not enough to know your potential if you don’t make the world uphold you to it.  My little cousin is a beauty!  Big almond eyes, bright smile, bubbly personality and brimming with intelligence.  She has tons of potential to be a phenomenally beautiful woman inside and out.  She will never get there chasing men.  So in middle school language, I explained to her that she is more than a number.  I made her realize her own potential and why it was worth being sought out. 

2) She should be treated with respect: With the self-exploitative VH1 reality/harem shows, it can be pretty confusing for young girls.  How do you demand respect when nobody seems to care if they get it?  Being a responsible adult and role model includes separating fact from fiction.  As my mother would say, it takes nothing to place yourself under a man.  A real woman’s place is equally by a man’s side.  In my little cousin’s case, I explained that respect should be a permanent fixture in any relationship no matter what.  If it is not, then it is time to move on.  

3) When it’s OK to slow down and be caught: Crushes are healthy and fun at any stage of life.  When you are young though, there is nothing that matters more.  I saw the look in my cousin’s eye and it’s precious and special.  However, she needed to know that every crush is not worth stopping for.  Some people are better as eye candy and not life candy!  I reminded her that her goals are worth chasing.  When the right person comes along, she can slow down and let him appreciate and respect her for who she is. 

So teach the young girls in your life that they have to find themselves before anyone else can.  They must have self-respect before they can demand it.  They must fervently chase their dreams and not a man.  Yeah, it’s a lot to teach AND to learn but the lessons are definitely worth it in the long run!