If you are a teen and feel you are being abused or know someone who is, please get the help you need. It’s never too late. Call 1-866-331-9474 | 1-866-331-8453 TTY or visit http://www.loveisrespect.org/ .
The infamous Chris Brown and Rihanna incident may have put it on the map for many, but teen dating violence is not new. Teens deal with the same types of abuse as adults. Add the social networking aspects and they experience even more. It’s unfortunate that many people dismiss or refuse to acknowledge a problem that is as serious as domestic violence. “A comparison of Intimate Partner Violence rates between teens and adults reveals that teens are at higher risk of intimate partner abuse.”1
The young couples in our society face many problems that place them in prime position for abuse to take root. Broken families, exposure to sex and drugs, lack of knowledge on healthy relationships and younger inexperienced parents create a cataclysmic atmosphere for some teens. Even with a traditional, two parent family teens are still at risk. According to a 2004 study2, 81% of parents either believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue. So now we have an even larger set of youth growing up dealing with an issue that is not discussed in many schools, overlooked by most of society and unbeknownst to parents. How sad!
Over the past six years, I have spoken with many different populations, but teens are my favorite. They find a forum to speak and openly engage in an issue they solely discuss with friends. Friends who often unknowingly support the abusers behavior. Their lack of knowledge and innocence in this matter makes me want to scream from the rooftops…
“STOP PRETENDING THAT TEENS DON’T DATE, HAVE SEX OR GET ABUSED!”
I can’t tell you how many class presentations I have done where the teachers stare at me, mouth agape in awe at the statistics and facts. Visit this link to see what I mean: http://www.abanet.org/unmet/teendating/facts.pdf Even the questions that I get from the students are reason enough to start a curriculum in ALL schools addressing what it means to have a healthy relationship.
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| Youth are dealing with this alone. What will you do? |
My boyfriend bought me a cell phone and needs to know where I am all the time. Is that bad? (They shared EVERY class together and sat next to each other during the presentation!)
My girlfriend screams at me in the hallway when she sees me talking to someone else. I get embarrassed, but that’s not abuse, is it? (This guy looked like a lumberjack and had an extremely deep voice, but was still being verbally abused.)
My boyfriend told me that I dress like a slut and he wants to buy me new clothes. He also hates my hair and told me to get it cut or he wouldn’t date me anymore. (This girl was dressed like a nun and had the most beautiful hair ever!)
I’m trying to play for the NFL and my girlfriend told me she is trying to get pregnant so I can’t go to college out of state. Is this considered abusive? (Really?! This one broke my heart.)
These examples represented the heterosexual population, but there are also homosexual teens that deal with abuse as well. Despite the strides that have been made in same gender relationships, these youth are at an even greater risk for being silent and suffering alone. They also face violence from their partner, family, strangers who disapprove of their sexual orientation and the list goes on. We have to stop ignoring dating violence against youth of any orientation, race, class or sex.
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| It is an EVERYBODY problem. |
So what can you do?! Well you know I’m going to tell you!
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| We have to STOP the pattern of abusive behaviors among teens. |
1) Start with the youth in your family/life. Teach them what a healthy relationship consists of. Shower them with love and support so that they won’t depend on a relationship to make up the difference. Use examples in movies, music and literature that they can understand and appreciate.
2) Stop abuse when you see it. Don’t be the police, but also don’t be silent. If you see something, say something! We have to take a community approach to ending this epidemic.
3) Volunteer with teens or start a teen dating violence awareness group in a school, community center or church. Keep the conversation and outreach going. Some great examples I have seen over the years included: a poetry/dance troupe, an impromptu acting team of teens, round table discussions, block party, peer educators, annual conferences, etc.
Let’s save our teens by acknowledging, addressing and approaching this problem with knowledge, concern, compassion and support. We all have the power to make a difference, but we must get started. Everyone deserves love. Nobody deserves abuse; especially not our youth.
1) (Jay G. Silverman et Al, “Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality.” Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286, 572, 576-577, (Nov. 5, 2001).
2) “Women’s Health,” June/July 2004, Family Violence Prevention Fund and Advocates for Youth, http://www.med.umich.edu/whp/newsletters/summer04/p03-dating.html, (Last visited 9/23/04).
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