Makes E Wanna Holler!: Break-Up Chumps...

Break-ups are normal.
Running away from them
is NOT!

What is it about breaking up with someone that makes us cringe?  Could it be the knowledge of hurting someone you once cared for?  Could it be the fear of how the person will take it?  Regardless of the outcome, breaking up is never easy for either person.  Maybe that's why people have resorted to the easy way out: the one-sided break-up.  Yeah, you know what I'm talking about!  The break-up where the dumper leaves like a thief in the night and never looks back.  Suddenly the dumpee is left wondering what happened and why the other person disappeared without so much as a last goodbye.  In the past, I've been both the dumper and the dumpee and neither is a good position.  Dealing with a break-up is hard enough without being left behind with no answers or sense of closure.  

Battered Men: The Silence, the Stigma, the Suffering...

"Domestic violence is not a gender issue, it is a human issue"

~Anonymous

A man who is being abused by a women or another man is often called:"Browbeat", "Whipped", "Punk", "Pussy", "Chump", "Weak", "Bitch"  Call it what you want; I call it "ABUSED".  Before you read any further, I want you to open your mind to this post.  According to the US Justice Department and the Centers for Prevention & Disease Control, over 1/3 of all batterers involved in domestic violence were wives or girlfriends.  Abuse against men is very real and if you don't believe that it can happen, click the link to watch a short video about a man who endured 25 years of abuse from his wife:

 Jerry Miranda Story

When I decided to write about this topic tonight, I knew there would be people who couldn't understand how a man could be a victim.  In presentations I explain it like this...

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye...





To say I miss him is an understatement.  I long for him.  I crave his voice and advice.  I still need him.  There are two slow moving tears travelling down my face as I write this.  Every now and then a feeling comes over me so strongly that I can’t release it except for crying.  Right now this is exactly how I feel.  His picture is on my nightstand and when I look at him I can’t help but think of how much I wanted to say.  How bad I wanted to mend our relationship and start fresh.  Of all the things I have experienced in my life, the loss of my father is a pain I endure every single day.  It is still the most surreal feeling to know that someone you loved with all your heart is never coming back.  I can feel his presence all around me whenever I come home late at night.  He sends me warnings and confirmations everytime something or someone doesn't have my best interest.  My tears seem to miraculously dry up just when they are beginning to consume me.  I know he is safe in Heaven every time I hear Marvin Gaye or the Isley Brothers when I turn to a radio station and hear their songs.  You just never know the connection you have with someone until you no longer have them.
 

Don't React Later; Be Proactive Now!

“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.”

~ Stephen R. Covey

Putting a band-aid on this
won't fix it!  Think before you
break someones heart.

Have you ever done/said something to a loved one that hurt them deeply? Did you regret your harshness or negative attitude toward them? Were you unable to restore the relationship to its original state? I’m sure that the answer is YES to each of these questions. So my last and final question is…WHY?! As people who can’t even define what love is, we are sometimes guilty of being reactive instead of being proactive. This type of behavior results in tattered relationships, horrid memories, and wasted apologies. Apologizing in many cases can be like putting a band-aide on a bullet wound. It may create a barrier, but the pain and destruction goes much deeper than the surface. The problem will also continue to ooze out in the future. It's better to consider what you say and do to the people you love BEFORE you do it because we never know how it may affect them. Like the quote says, our actions are a choice while the consequences of those actions are not. Here are a few tips to make the necessary transition from being a reactive person to a proactive one.

RIP Daddy

Daddy and Me; Christmas '88

FEBRUARY 19, 2010

I will never forget that day for as long as I live.  This was the day that I lost my father and gained a new sense of appreciation for my life and relationships.  I miss him so much.  I haven't cried in a few weeks, but writing this brings forth a fresh set of tears.  I still can't listen to Marvin Gaye or the Isley Brothers without remembering his husky voice, his strong silent personality, and his bold laugh that always caught you off guard!  I remember the day so vividly that I heard of his passing.  Honestly, I knew something was wrong about that day from the minute I woke up:

So I'm in the shower listening to the morning show and singing, "Daddy's Home" right along with Usher.  Suddenly I was alarmed by the sound of keys jingling right outside the bathroom door.  It wouldn't have been a problem, except for the fact that I'm alone in the house that time of the morning.  Frozen in a state of uncomfortable confusion, I quickly left the shower, grabbed a screwdriver and perused the house. 

Nobody was there, or so I thought.

Ending up in the kitchen, I noticed a strange glow that illuminated the dimly lit kitchen.  I asked God to protect me and ease my growing fear.  Something made me lay down and the minute I closed my eyes, I heard the keys jingling again.  Jumping up, I continued to get dressed for work and rushed to the front door once I was done.  I had to get out of that house.  Something was there regardless of whether the naked eye could identify it.  I ran to the front door, swung it open and BAM...

This strange older lady was standing there and she scared the hell out of me!  I grabbed my chest and released the breath I didn't know I was holding.  She was going to the 2nd floor, but she said something that I considered very weird...

"You are gonna be fine baby.  Everything is gonna be just fine."

I brushed past her and received a call minutes later with the news that my father was gone.

There is no person on the face of this earth that can tell me my father wasn't in the house with me that morning.  God is real and His presence through others is such a powerful thing.  He also worked through that woman who shared her comforting message with me.  I thank Him everyday for allowing my father to come to me that morning and let me know his soul is at rest.

All of my friends tell me how strong I was through everything.  I know that strength came from knowing that regardless of the life my father may have lived on this earth, he is protected in the palm of God's hands now.  Just like the lady said, everything is just fine.  It still hurts sometimes, but then I think about the relationship we had.  I loved him so much.  He taught me he taught me how to be confident, how to drive, how to live for yourself and never care about the outcome, he taught me how to love. He taught me that life is worth living.

I didn't get a chance to mentally prepare for his death.  Everything happened in the span of a week and a half.  I have learned that time is not promised and anything worth saying is worth saying that day.  Don't wait.  You may never get the chance to have their reaction, their opinion, their presence, their love.

Thanks Daddy for all you have given me and I promise to make you proud by living an exemplary life.