Living Breathing Pincushions: Self Respect and Sex

Allowing yourself to be pierced
by the world can lead to lasting
damage.

When I was in college, I devised a theory I like to call the “Pincushion Theory”.  I used to sew and I noticed that before a pincushion is used, it has certain solidity to it.  When you introduce a needle, it is never the same.  The needle that punctures it goes unscathed and unharmed, but after some time if you stick a pincushion enough it begins to wear down.  Covered in holes, it loses its solidity.  These permanent holes leave a lasting mark that can never be repaired.  You can cover a pincushion with another piece of fabric, but underneath it will still suffer the damage of the initial uses.  It will also be full of voids that can only be filled by another needle.  A lot of women are living, breathing, worn down pincushions.  They have allowed the needles of the world access to their bodies, minds and spirits.   Thandie Newton’s character is the epitome of a pincushion.  Lost in the thrill and emptiness of sex with strangers, she had convinced herself that her infatuation with sex was an empowerment tactic.  She was invincible under this belief.  There is one problem with that though…A pincushion can not hurt a needle.  A needle can leave a lasting impression on a pincushion.




Sex and love are NOT
interchangeable!  Love for self
fills voids and creates
harmony.


As with any theory, there are exceptions.  Pincushions and needles don’t have diseases, baggage or the ability to love.  Also women can, and have, hurt men countless times before.  Thus explaining the plethora of bitter people running around!  However, sex should be sacred.  The discussion of how a real woman handles sex was a topic that I had strayed away from for many reasons.  For one, I have WAY too much to say about it! (Look forward to that!)  Secondly, there are so many conflicting views on how women should carry themselves that I wasn’t quite sure how to tackle it.  Then this movie comes along and it hits me!  Like when Emeril throws something in a pan…it was like BAM!!  There is so much focus on women being sex symbols instead of loving themselves.  I realized I wanted to focus on the lack of self-respect that is affiliated with women and sex. 

Some people would like to believe that a woman can be sexually liberated.  No matter what anyone says a loose woman is blatantly disrespected by self and others and easily forgotten.  Stereotypes STILL exist in our world and women should be raised with self-respect and responsibility for who they allow into their bodies.  Being a whore is not empowering, it is damaging.  There are quite a few sexual sayings and phrases that have always made me cringe.  Tying in the whole pseudo-empowerment thing, I wanted to share them with you:

1) "I will respect you if you respect yourself."  I don't know where some men got this from, but if you have a brain in your head you would never fall for this!  In my opinion, many women have given away their respect in exchange for lackluster sex and empty promises.  Respect is earned and if you choose not to respect yourself, you will end up under someone at night and back on the streets in the day.  Just like old girl in the movie!

2) "Be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets." Yeah, it rhymes but REALLY?!  The major stipulation with this one is the hidden portion of this phrase.  It SHOULD be, "Be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets but NOT for every man you meet!"   Like I mentioned earlier, sex should be sacred.  If everybody can get freely what should be earned, the woman in question is not a lady.  I think many women should go back and learn how to be a lady FIRST!  Everything else is just extra credit!  

Just because it is beautiful
doesn't mean the whole world
should have access!

3) "Your body is a temple." Hmmm...how can I say this?  Temples are open to the public, they take people as they are and they give the same respect to all who enter.  Thinking about this in a sexual view is a terrifying thing!  Women who allow this type of access sexually are doing themselves a disservice.  Allowing squatters, sinners, the curious, the tainted and the questionable access to your treasures makes no sense!  Making your body a fort and guarding the people who enter is a better option.  This takes knowing who you are and what you deserve.

4) "You have to use what you got to get what you want." Intelligence, charisma, charm and beauty are what come to mind when I hear this.  However, we all know a woman who feels that her worth lies between her legs.  Sadly, they still don't get what they want.  When I say what they want I'm not referring to money or material things.  T. Newton's character said that she loved sex, but all she was getting from it was left alone.  Confusing sex for love or affection is a dangerous game with more negative outcomes than positive.

Love youself, trust yourself and
be smart enough to demand
a difference! 

My mom always said it is easy to be a whore, but it takes some effort to be a lady.  Not to get anything confused, sex is beautiful.  As with anything in this life though moderation should be considered.  So many women get offended when they are called out of their name or used as a sex object.  Only you can teach people how to treat you and carry yourself with respect.  Your brain and heart should be the most valued organs of your body.  Using them wisely prevents the ignorance of allowing the world in where they don't belong.  In a recent conversation with a male friend of mine, he gave me a compliment that I will not soon forget.  He said, "I like the fact that you do for yourself without having to put your hands out or pull your pants down."  That is the true measure of a woman.  Knowing your worth and realizing that all voids are not meant to be filled.  Sex is a choice and a privilege, not a means to happiness, wealth or success.  

So even if you have found yourself down this road, remember this quote...

"Be not the slave of your own past...plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson-