“I heard a story about a husband and wife who were feuding and giving each other the silent treatment. One night he realized he needed her to wake him up at an early hour to catch a flight. Not wanting to humble himself and be the first to break the silence, he left her a note to wake him at 5 A.M. The next morning he awakened to find out that he had overslept by a couple of hours and had missed his flight. As he leapt out of bed to go and angrily confront her, he noticed a piece of paper on his nightstand. The note read, “It is 5 A.M. Wake up!”
(Story on "Silence" courtesy of "30 Days to Taming Your Tongue", by Deborah Smith Pegues)
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| Silence is not always golden! |
We have all been told that silence is golden. When you think about it though, nobody ever set the parameters to this common rule. Is silence the answer when your relationship lies in the balance? The story above is a classic example of where passive aggressive behavior and failing to communicate can get you…Absolutely Nowhere! According to the same book I got the above story from, the quote “silence is golden” is not a complete statement. The original statement was “Speech is silver, silence is golden.” What I derived from this is we need to learn the value of silence and the significance of effective speech. You can’t expect a relationship to work when communication is lacking or nonexistent. These are a few of the issues you can encounter when you let silence take front seat in your relationships.
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| Liberate yourself and your loved one from the silent treatment! |
Silent Treatment: I never quite understood why they called it a treatment! It’s more of a passive aggressive way of NOT addressing a problem you have with someone you love. The ideology of playing psychological mind games to see who will break first and lose the game of standing strong is childish and petty. The one good thing about the silent treatment is that both parties get time to think and hopefully come back with a refreshed view on the problem. Sadly many people never come back and deal with what is causing such division. We should treat our relationships like a peaceful protest instead of a sit-in. You have to voice your concerns to get your needs met. You also have to release the pride that hinders you from breaking the silence and moving toward harmony.
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| Don't wait for Miss Cleo to read your mind! Share with the group! |
Reading Minds: So you and your partner are exercising the silent treatment. You happen to glance at one another and the tension is so thick, you would need a machete to make a dent in it! Without a doubt either one or the both of you are wondering why the other person hasn’t apologized/commented/came clean/spoke up about the problem causing the tension. This is NOT how it works people! Your mind and the delicate, intricate thoughts floating around are not airborne until you formulate them through words. Expecting a mate to know how you feel when you are the only one who feels it is unfair. Do your relationship a favor and be real! If you are with the right person, there should be no holds barred when it comes to conversations of a difficult nature.
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| Find tactful ways to speak instead of cowardly ways to remain silent. |
Biting Your Tongue: Having such difficult conversations can be trying at best. The one thing you don’t want to do is hold back what you really feel. We have long left the world of silent behind! As stated in earlier posts, you know what things will damage your partner’s confidence in your relationship. You want to stay away from those things! Creating a flow of words and thoughts that express your feelings without hurting theirs is always the way to go. You can’t control how your partner will take it. That’s just life. You can control what gets released from your lips and how important those words are in getting closer to a solution.
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| Keep the dialogue going! Your relationship is worth it! |
When you bind your tongue against someone you love, you are letting them know you don’t exist. If a person doesn’t exist there is no relationship. Yes, it is a little dramatic but communication is the large rectangle at the base of the “love” chain. It’s what keeps everything else balanced and sustained. I have always been a firm believer in making the right decisions and putting thought behind them. Think about what needs to be said, but don’t make the mistake of going so deep into yourself that you are consumed by solitude and unorthodox behaviors. Communicate and also know that silence can be golden when it’s used to listen. If you choose to passively show your aggression to a love one through quietness, this is the precise moment that silence turns rusty! Unfortunately, there is no CLR that can handle this corrosion of a relationship. So open your heart, your mind and your mouth and be vocal about your concerns! Until next time my loves!
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