This past week has been all about the reasons why relationships fail. We have looked at why our actions should reflect sincere thoughts, the importance of being proactive instead of reactive, knowing when to leave the game behind, communicating your needs, trusting your partner and leaving the past in the past. I hope that you have gained some insight into what should be important in your relationships. For me, I feel blessed to be at a point where I can discuss, understand and live by the topics below. In the spirit of saving the best for last, I want to discuss one of the major reasons why relationships don’t work. One of those topics that most people don’t acknowledge until it is too late. Today is all about making the critical mistake of forcing a connection when your standards, goals or expectations are not met. In cases like these, we find ourselves sticking around waiting for change. Unlike Sam Cooke’s song, a change may never come! So read on to see how to admit to yourself when a match is wrong, the steps to take to make things right and setting your own realistic standards for future relationships.
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| The true colors are ALWAYS under the layer of paint! |
We know wrong when we see it! As a matter of fact, you can probably pinpoint the precise moment you realized that a person would not be good for you. I have had many conversations with friends of mine who couldn’t seem to shake the mysterious chick or the bad boy. They would justify their relationship by explaining how their significant other is really a good person deep down, but it takes time to expose their positive attributes. The people with the strongest appeal have a way of making us forget there is more than meets the eye. Lord knows I have fallen for a handsome face and salacious charisma one too many times! It’s easy to get caught up in what a person could be if they would only do things your way. Unfortunately, most people in this world come to you exactly the way they are. Your expectations of them may be higher than they could ever attain without wanting it for themselves. I have watched many relationships and marriages go down the tubes because it wasn’t meant to be from the start. When you chip away at someone’s personality and the true colors peek through, don’t keep chipping to see if the whole wall is that color! Trust your intuition and BELIEVE who a person is based on their actions. Take a good look at who you are with and be realistic if they just don’t meet your criteria.
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| You may break down a wall to find nothing there! |
So you’ve officially done it! You’ve fallen for Mr. or Ms. Wrong! Waiting around for a change has sucked the life out of you. Every standard that you set for your relationship has been disobeyed, disrespected and disregarded. Now what?! First off, don’t beat yourself up for this common relationship slip. Secondly, don’t take your frustration out on them! They are only doing what they do best: being themselves. Lastly, make an eloquent exit, take stock of what you learned, and never look back. Almost like being chased in a horror movie, don’t EVER look back! Backtracking to the eloquent exit part, it’s important to be honest and communicate why you are leaving. It’s not their fault that you changed your mind. It is your fault if you don’t express what’s on your mind. Don’t bash them because there was something about them you liked. Let them know that YOU cannot continue the relationship because you need to reestablish what is important. The questions, comments and concerns will come up, but stay true to yourself. Also remember that people will say or do anything when they feel you are slipping through their fingers. Make sure this is really what you want and keep it moving. After you have moved on, think about what this lesson taught you. Take that and make better choices. Oh and one more thing…NEVER LOOK BACK!
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| You are ALWAYS worth the best! Demand it! |
You can never change a person, but you can change your standards. Whether you are in a relationship or riding solo, I want you to do this activity. Sit down in a quiet room and write out your standards. Don’t think about what you are writing; simply write what comes into your mind about what you want in a relationship. After you are done, walk away from the list and return a few days later. Narrow it down, reassess and make changes as necessary. After you arrive at your final draft, read it out loud one time and put it away in a safe place. Don’t look at it daily, weekly, or monthly. Simply allow your words to marinate in the air and know that you have set standards for your future relationships. When you come across a person who doesn’t meet those standards, see them for what they are and leave them for someone else to discover. Your life and your relationships deserve structure, peace and happiness. Mark my words that when you find the RIGHT person, your list and their attributes will line up perfectly. You just have to be open to accepting better. So I leave you with this:
Every relationship will be a teacher, but our goal should be to grow and change for the better. Check your syllabus in your current relationship. At the end of it all, will you be a better person? Or will you still be setting the standards that you so clearly deserve?
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