Battered Men: The Silence, the Stigma, the Suffering...

"Domestic violence is not a gender issue, it is a human issue"

~Anonymous

A man who is being abused by a women or another man is often called:"Browbeat", "Whipped", "Punk", "Pussy", "Chump", "Weak", "Bitch"  Call it what you want; I call it "ABUSED".  Before you read any further, I want you to open your mind to this post.  According to the US Justice Department and the Centers for Prevention & Disease Control, over 1/3 of all batterers involved in domestic violence were wives or girlfriends.  Abuse against men is very real and if you don't believe that it can happen, click the link to watch a short video about a man who endured 25 years of abuse from his wife:

 Jerry Miranda Story

When I decided to write about this topic tonight, I knew there would be people who couldn't understand how a man could be a victim.  In presentations I explain it like this...

"Men are commonly and statistically the perpetrators of violence against women.  However, about every year in the U.S., about 3.2 million men are the victims of an assault by an intimate partner, whether in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship.  Abuse is about power and control.  It is not about gender or physical strength.  You don't need to be physically fit or larger in order to use a gun, stab someone, spit in someones face, control finances, intimacy or decisions, demean and belittle a person or exhibit jealous tendencies."

It may seem funny but it's NEVER acceptable.
*Pic courtesy of http://www.voice-online.co.uk/content.php?show=10621

Never forget that the root of abuse is not necessarily the televised version.  Women are very capable of being controlling and it kills me how people forget that!  Abuse comes in many forms and the main one that women are known for utilizing is manipulation.  It is often seen as comical when a women chastises and controls her partner.  Women may use physical force to taunt and aggravate knowing that there will be no consequences.  Regardless of the direction of the behavior, abuse is wrong.  In homosexual relationships, men are already judged by their sexual orientation which causes a larger rift to getting help.  Also if a man and his partner are in the same circle of friends, a man could fear the loss of support from the group.  We must remember that men are HUMAN too.  Their reactions to abuse may vary, but that doesn't mean they aren't affected.

Whether a man is abused by a women or another man, the stigma surrounding seeking help is so prevalent that most men feel helpless.  We have been trained to believe that men should be the dominant figure in relationships.  Men are not stereotypically seen as weak, helpless or emotional.  This belief is exactly what leaves so many men alone in their fight to survive an abusive relationship.  Some cultures believe that men should control a woman by any means necessary, but what about the men who were raised to respect women?  If a man won't abuse a woman, who is to say this woman will not use that as a privilege and control HIM by any means necessary.  Thinking out of the box is critical in saving lives.

Men are the silent sufferers because they often feel that no one will believe them.  It doesn't help that there are not many laws on the books protecting the rights of the battered man.  Things are turning around slowly though and there are many steps that we can take to speed up the process:



Don't stay silent!  Get the help
you need today.



1) Take the violence seriously.  Death is permanent and attacks are memorable for anyone.  Don't allow myths and stereotypical thoughts cloud your judgement in seeing abuse for what it really is.

2) Speak out or be open to listening.  If you are a man dealing with abuse, there is at least one person you can go to, even if it is a friendly tone on an abuse hot line.  Don't deal alone.  If you know someone being abused, be there.  It makes a world of difference to have support.

3) No matter what, DON'T HIT BACK!  This is much easier said than done, but it is important to create a way out of your situation instead of digging yourself deeper in it.

4) Take an active stand and be an advocate.  The only way this problem will surface and get rectified is if men stand up against the violence committed against them.  Also, men who are not victims should take a mature and responsible stance on combating violence against both women and men.

If you are a battered man, get help today.  Nobody deserves to be abused.  The link below leads to a list of national and international resources:



www.menstuff.org/resources/resourcefiles/alttoviolence.html