I have always said that I would rather see the knife coming than have to pull it out of my back. I’ve also said that the people you love and care about can hurt you most. Some friendship crimes are so heinous that they require immediate attention. I recently found out that a long-time friend of mine was communicating with my ex-boyfriend. About what, I don’t particularly know. For how long, I can’t say. However the content of their conversation was not my issue. The principle of them communicating at all was the actual problem. We have had our problems in the past, but this was the breaking point for me. Even after years of knowing each other, our unspoken rules suddenly meant nothing. I addressed both parties because I’m a fair girl J, but my girlfriend got the higher sentence. Real friends know your boundaries and don’t cross them. I don’t feel the need to reach out to any of my friends’ past or present men and I expect the same respect. As with any relationship, the main things I require are consistency, honesty and loyalty. Without the three, there is enough reasonable doubt to convict and dismiss!
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| Contracts are for business; not for friendship! |
There has been a lot of buzz on the reality TV circuit about the “friend contract”. In a recent episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Cynthia presented NeNe with a friend contract. The whole point of the document was to ensure both ADULTS were clear about their responsibility to each other. NeNe found the contract creepy and in her words, ‘Single Black Female’-ish. I definitely agree that a contract is kind of crazy, but some people forget the basics of friendship. When I found myself in the situation concerning my friend and my ex, I didn’t think I had to place regulations on who is off limits. I learned that the only way we could ever be close again is by turning our relationship into a business proposition. I would have to lay out the rules, she would have to sign and the law would be enforced if it didn’t happen. To me, friendship and business are the equivalent of church and state; the two should remain separate. If I have to create a contract defining the terms of our relationship, then we aren’t really friends. Some rules regarding respect may never be written or spoken, but should never be broken.
There comes a time in everyone’s life when you realize that a friend is sticking around because of history and not loyalty. Time means nothing if the behavior is still the same as before. It can be really difficult to acknowledge that they have lost their luster in your life. Nobody enjoys the end of anything, but questioning the basics is not positive in any relationship. It hurts me to even write this because thirteen years is a long time, but when the final straw is pulled it’s time to bounce. I will leave you with this…
Sometimes I write from a subconscious place only to later realize that I needed that same encouragement and advice. In September I wrote the following in a post entitled “Whom Shall We Fear? Our Loved Ones!”…
“Don’t confuse the length of time a person has been around for a solid and encouraging relationship. Our lives are like gardens and in order to thrive and grow, we have to do some people pruning from time to time. Just because you care for someone doesn’t mean you can’t let them go.”
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| If you want your life to grow, you gotta let the nonsense go! |
1 comments:
real talk as always mocha...
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