Have A Holiday Heart Year-Round!

Hands down, Christmas is my favorite time of year!  The chestnuts are roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost is nipping at my nose, I am enjoying the sights and sounds of Christmas and spreading cheer wherever I go!  While out in the hustle and bustle that is Christmas Eve, I noticed some things.  People are a little bit nicer, the streets are a little bit brighter, children are happier and celebrations are plentiful.  It is an absolutely beautiful time of the year!  Kind of sad to think that for all the other days, people forget how the joy of the holidays can be spread all throughout the year.

Exactly Why Are We Toasting Scumbags and Jerk-Offs?!

Let's stop toasting nonsense!

Ahh, good old Kanye West!  Leave it to him to turn toasting into something negative!  In his song Runaway, he is crooning about the men who do women wrong and toasting them for it.  I feel that the jerks and scumbags are getting a little too much credit for nothing.  Being a real/good man has lost its appeal lately and it’s driving me insane!   According to many women out there, there are no good men to be found; they are all either taken, gay or not interested.  I don’t agree with that.  There ARE good men out there; however some women need to stop lying to themselves.  Nothing is changing because some women are accepting laziness, rudeness and disrespect.  Until there is some accountability, things will only continue to get worse.   

Where Is The Benefit In Friends With Benefits?!

Prelude: This short and sweet gem is an OLD Facebook note that I found.  I wanted to share it with you guys because I am currently researching my next post and working out the kinks with that one.  Hope you enjoy!

Once again, talking with a good friend and we got on the subject of being friends with benefits. This guy wants to be friends with benefits with her, but he can't seem to get over some of the previous girls in his life.

I started thinking...

Sex Too Soon: Ain't No Telling What We Could Have Been...

When you put the cart before the horse,
you don't get very far!

Our society has gone from anticipating a kiss at the end of a first date to having an escape plan for the morning after!  Even with all the looming consequences, many people are rushing into sexual relationships with strangers without reading the fine print.  This “faster than a speeding bullet” mentality is resulting in one night stands, failed relationships and never-ending searches for the next big thing.  It is also decreasing the levels of respect we have for ourselves and each other and changing the rules of dating and intimacy.  Some couples are successful despite how early they had sex, but let’s not lose sight of the big picture.  What may seem like a minor impulsive choice can result in major permanent damage.  Marriages are failing and couples are breaking up faster than R&B groups nowadays.  STI’s are on the rise.  Children are being born into single family households.  Relationships are burdened with trust, insecurity and jealousy issues.  I believe our impulses have a lot to do with it.   So I pose this question… In this fast and furious world, does slow and steady still win the race?

Do I Need To Whip Out A Friend Contract?!

  

I have always said that I would rather see the knife coming than have to pull it out of my back.    I’ve also said that the people you love and care about can hurt you most.  Some friendship crimes are so heinous that they require immediate attention.  I recently found out that a long-time friend of mine was communicating with my ex-boyfriend.  About what, I don’t particularly know.  For how long, I can’t say.  However the content of their conversation was not my issue.  The principle of them communicating at all was the actual problem.  We have had our problems in the past, but this was the breaking point for me.  Even after years of knowing each other, our unspoken rules suddenly meant nothing.  I addressed both parties because I’m a fair girl J, but my girlfriend got the higher sentence.  Real friends know your boundaries and don’t cross them.  I don’t feel the need to reach out to any of my friends’ past or present men and I expect the same respect.  As with any relationship, the main things I require are consistency, honesty and loyalty.  Without the three, there is enough reasonable doubt to convict and dismiss! 


Contracts are for business;
not for friendship!



Facebook: The Modern Day Background Check…

  

When it is ok to accept?

What is on my mind at the current moment, where I like to vacation, that embarrassing picture from college, how I feel about my favorite television show, where I work, who my closest friends are, my goals for the future, my birthday, my relationship status, my general location in the world and what I like to do with my time.  All of these things should be released over time in a new relationship, but who does that anymore?!  With the acceptance of a “friend” request, the average Joe can have all this information and more from a little site called Facebook.  No detective’s license needed!  I’ve certainly been the willing victim of a Facebook stalker or two.  You add someone and suddenly they become the guru on everything that is you!  They are constantly commenting on your status updates, pictures and posts.  You may hop onto the site to make a quick update and you are suddenly trapped in an unwanted chat conversation!  You could block them, but the damage has already been done!  Plus you may feel the need to explain your choice of deleting them!  Crazy stuff!  Being an old fashioned single girl living in this technological world is a little tricky.  When is it ok to allow someone you just met access to your Facebook page? 

To Give Or Not To Give?...That Is The Question!

"We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation; for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers." 

~Seneca

With Christmas less than a week away, there are a lot of loose ends to tie up!  For many who are dating someone new, this may not include tying a bow on a gift.  I was very tempted to vent on the ignorance known as gift-giveaphobia, but then I put some thought into this topic.  Sometimes it can be tricky to know whether a gift is appropriate in the earlier stages of a relationship.  You don’t want to come across as crazy and get an extravagant and inappropriate gift.  You also don’t want to pull the old brush off/break up conveniently before the big day.  So what do you do?!  Well you know I’m going to tell you!   It doesn’t matter how long you have known someone, there are particular rules for men and women to follow in the spirit of gift giving etiquette.

Should A Woman EVER Propose?

She may be dragging
him now, but
he will be running off
later!

Many women would LOVE for the man of their dreams to propose at the beginning of the week and wed them by the end of it, IF they could have their perfect wedding.  Now, place the glass slipper on the other foot.  Imagine a woman proposing to a man on a Monday, throwing together a ceremony all week long and dragging him down the aisle by Friday!  That’s not even the best part: He doesn’t accept or deny the proposal when it is asked.  He gets less than a week to think about it, then answers on the day of the wedding!  Sounds ludicrous don’t it?!  Well, this is exactly what I watched last night on WE!  A sickening, psychologically damaging show called “Jilted?”, where the tradition-laden table is turned and the woman pops the question.  I witnessed a thirty-something woman with a biological clock ticking louder than Big Ben, force her confused and flabbergasted boyfriend of a year into a decision of a lifetime.  Then she threw their relationship away because he couldn’t marry her after a year and a week!  How insanely ridiculous?! 



A-Lister(s): Are You Planning Your Love Away?

"What the?!  I can't
possibly be all of
these things!"

We all know someone like her.  The woman who has a mile-long list of qualities that she MUST have in a man.  This list practically trails the floor and crosses city and state lines.  It has jagged edges from months of additions and side notes.  Its detailed content surpasses the U.S. Constitution! If you ever got a peak at the list, you may have seen some impractical expectations or unrealistic aspirations.  Things like: must make X amount of money per year, must exercise 5.5 times a week, must have a certain amount of facial hair, must allow her to be right ALL the time (even when she’s wrong!), must be able to read minds and prevent arguments that result in him winning, and the list drags on!  Before I really go in, I don’t want it misconstrued that having standards and expectations is a negative thing.  In fact, I believe it’s important to know what you want.  However, there are a few issues with being too picky and judgmental about a potential mate. 



What Are You Thankful For?

Good Morning World!  This post is not just for those celebrating Thanksgiving Day, but for everyone.  A tradition for those who do celebrate this holiday involves going around a food-filled table of family and friends and stating what we are thankful for.  As lovely as this is, I am making a vow today to be grateful everyday of the year.  We are not privy to the contents and happenings of each coming day, but we ALWAYS have something to be thankful for.  Whether it is your health, your friends, the roof over your head, the opportunity to eat or just the strength to move forward we are all blessed!  If you have everything you want, never forget that there are others out there who would love what you have.  Give back with a kind heart and understanding spirit.  If you are hoping for a miracle, realize that you are surrounded by them!  We have to be thankful for everything whether large or small because nothing is promised!

Remember these people as you go throughout your day:

The soldiers fighting around the world...
The homeless women, men and children who don't know where their next meal is coming from...
The unemployed people who struggle to make their holiday special...
The elderly who rarely/never get a visit or a kind word from their family...
The orphans who are wishing someone will take them home...
The poor who don't have the opportunity to sit at a dinner table...
All that are less fortunate, but more grateful than those of us who have what we want...

Never forget how blessed your life is!  Things could always be worse and you can always make someone else's life better no matter who you are! 

I am thankful to be awake, thankful to be loved, thankful to be healthy and thankful to be able to express myself!  What are you thankful for today?!



Love & Enjoy Yourself!...Don't Wait for Anyone Else!

Even when surrounded
by others you can feel
alone.  Find your inner
peace and happiness
to combat that sinking
feeling!

Have you ever seen a movie where a single, lonely person is standing forlorn in the rain watching a happy couple eat dinner through a glass window?  I always wondered why that person never dried off, went inside and got a table for themselves!  We have been taught that operating as a single unit is a negative thing.  At early ages we are pushed into little groups in school.  We are told to pick a partner for projects.  We buddy up for trips.  It doesn’t change as adults.  Often our jobs put us on teams.  The media usually pairs three or more people as a group of friends.  People who are loners or less sociable are considered strange.  Dinner tables are usually set for two or more.  For many places, you need a group to get a discount.  Basically, being a single unit is seen as problematic or drenched in loneliness.  I firmly disagree with this coupled up and grouped out philosophy.  It is true that no man is an island, but every person should be familiar with their own inner peace.  You don’t always need another person to enjoy your life or help you discover who you are.

Makes E Wanna Holler!: ENOUGH With the Uncertainty!

PSA: To all the men out there…KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!  If you want nothing, you want nothing and let it go!  If you want friendship, you want friendship and pursue that!  If you want sex, you want sex and pursue that!  If you want a relationship, you want a relationship and pursue that!  Quit merging and mixing emotions, needs and wants!  Stop playing games because when you really DO want something serious with someone you fall for, she may be so bitter and down-trodden by the games that she can’t appreciate you!  JUST STOP IT!

I met a delightful guy the other night and we sparked up an enlightening conversation.  Of course relationships were the main topic.  We covered standards, intimacy, cheating and the media’s role in whom we choose to date.  He brought up a television show where a forum of men and women discussed why so many women of color are single.  As a single woman of color, I am a little sick of being asked that question…but I digress!  I will cover that topic on another post!  However, I did let him know why I was single by the end of our talk.  We decided to wrap up with one tidbit of advice that I could share with my girls on a man’s point of view and vice versa.  He offered this…”Women should be more accepting and patient with a man who doesn’t have everything, but has the potential to build everything with her.”  I agreed and I offered him this...  “Men should be honest with themselves, and who they approach, about what they want.  Regardless of whether it is nothing, friendship, sex or something serious, allow a woman to know what she is getting herself into.”

Terri Bryant's Sentiments

Keeping with the For Colored Girls theme, I wanted to share this FB note written by a woman named Terri Bryant.  I don't know her personally, but this did come by my e-mail and I wanted to share it with my audience.  I don't believe this is just about black women...this is about ALL WOMEN!  We need to do better and learn to support each other. Enough from me though, please read on!  

~ Eboni Faulkner  

If you are a woman, I believe that you are someone special!  After reading this, I take ownership of my own discouraging words, behaviors and thoughts and I vow to do my best to never do it again.

ARTICLE FROM FB

"When I first heard of the movie "For Colored Girls" I got so excited. I had the idea of getting as many women together that I could think of to go see this movie. I had visions of group discussions and moments shared with one another that would lead to healing and growth, I guess I kind of imagined a Women’s Empowerment Conference type of setting. I did go see it and it is a must see…But anyway…

Living Breathing Pincushions: Self Respect and Sex

Allowing yourself to be pierced
by the world can lead to lasting
damage.

When I was in college, I devised a theory I like to call the “Pincushion Theory”.  I used to sew and I noticed that before a pincushion is used, it has certain solidity to it.  When you introduce a needle, it is never the same.  The needle that punctures it goes unscathed and unharmed, but after some time if you stick a pincushion enough it begins to wear down.  Covered in holes, it loses its solidity.  These permanent holes leave a lasting mark that can never be repaired.  You can cover a pincushion with another piece of fabric, but underneath it will still suffer the damage of the initial uses.  It will also be full of voids that can only be filled by another needle.  A lot of women are living, breathing, worn down pincushions.  They have allowed the needles of the world access to their bodies, minds and spirits.   Thandie Newton’s character is the epitome of a pincushion.  Lost in the thrill and emptiness of sex with strangers, she had convinced herself that her infatuation with sex was an empowerment tactic.  She was invincible under this belief.  There is one problem with that though…A pincushion can not hurt a needle.  A needle can leave a lasting impression on a pincushion.

50th Post Extravaganza!!! The Devil You Know...

Pop the champagne and let’s celebrate!  This is officially my 50th post!  Kind of hard to believe that in the span of three months, I have had this much on my mind!  I’ve covered motivation, relationships, friendships, love, life, and even animals!  I must say that I am really enjoying this blogging thing. ☺ 

  

Up until now, you have seen many sides of me.  After seeing For Colored Girls, I want to give you another side of me.  The Eboni that weeps for those affected by others, fights for those who are powerless and prays for everyone involved.  For the first time in my life, I shed tears in a movie theatre over a scene that will forever replay in my head.  Today’s topic is about date rape and its ramifications.  (Keep in mind that I am discussing a man raping a woman, but ANYBODY can rape another person regardless of their sex.)