I Want You...But I Want You To Want Me Too!

“…I give you all the love
I want in return, sweet darlin'
But half a love is all I feel
It's too bad, it's too sad
You don't want me now
But I'm gonna change your mind
Someway, somehow, oh baby…”

~Marvin Gaye (“I Want You”)

If it's no, then keep it moving!

Be real with yourself, how often have you felt this way?!  Sometimes our obsession with wanting those who do not want us can leave us all messed up!  If you have ever been there, you have probably wasted too much time on wishful thinking, started to second-guess your qualities, forgot the importance of those who do care and the worst…possibly missed a mutually satisfying relationship with someone who WANTED to be there.  So sad these situations!  There is absolutely nothing cute about chasing someone who is clearly trying to get away from you!  Your prey is desperately running away while you are too preoccupied to notice who is chasing you!  Crazy stuff, but it does lead me to my point.  Your convincing may work and it may not, but you will suffer in the end.  Even though the pursuit of what we seemingly cannot have may be enticing, we deserve a relationship with someone who will reciprocate the same love we give to them.

It is never easy the moment you realize your feelings for someone heavily outweigh their feelings for you.  When this happens we have one of two choices—(1) Continue to pursue their heart or (2) accept that they are just not that into us.  Since accepting is a pretty disguise for defeat and rejection, we sometimes choose option #1 and plod forward toward an inevitable ending and unavoidable pain.  Trying to change the mind of a person you cannot get off yours can happen to the best of us.  However, if we ever want a worthwhile relationship, we have to be aware of our worth and open our hearts and minds to healthier encounters with the opposite sex.  Before we can take that “grown up” step, we have to crawl first!  Below are some tips for getting over this common relationship hurdle…  

 Know How Great You Are!

I once read somewhere that our lives are shaped by those who love us and refuse to love us.  Before you let your life become shaped by those that refuse to love you, realize that you have to love yourself first.  When you reach that point, it is much harder to lose pieces of yourself in something that is not mutual.  That is not to say that the rejection will not hurt, but love for self builds strength.  You will know that you deserve the absolute best and will refuse to accept anything less! 

 

Recognize That The Person You Are Chasing ISN’T Perfect!

“Even the best needles are not sharp at both ends.”

~Chinese Proverb

The fantasy of our perfect person can conceal their imperfections.  Once the sparkle fades away, we can think clearer and be more unbiased about our initial thoughts.  Step back and take an objective look at who you THINK you want.  I am sure you will find something that you did not see before.  Can’t seem to think of any faults your “perfect” mate has?!  Well they have at least one fatal flaw: they fail to see you for your worth!  Not so flawless after all huh?!  Which leads me to my 3^rd point…

Know There Are No Mistakes

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”

-Dalai Lama

So what you didn’t get the guy/girl of your dreams!  Instead of moping about why they did not want you, consider the favor they may have done for you.  There could be many reasons why someone does not feel the way you do—personal issues, past demons, lack of interest etc.  Regardless, you do not want to deal with a person who cannot give you what you need.  Even when we cannot see the bullet coming, some people are nice enough to help us dodge it anyway!  Learn what you need to from the experience and move on to step 4…  

Remember What’s Important In Life

When you think you have found love, it can be easy to get lost in the thrill of the chase.  Forsaking all others can leave you standing alone in the dust!  No matter who comes into or out of your life, remember the people who make it special on a regular basis.  They will help you recover when you fall from exhaustion so do not forget them in your fruitless chases.  The chase can also affect your health, emotional state, productivity and other important factors.  Take care of you first!  The person who loves you back will be there to enhance your life, not take away from it.

The right one will LOVE YOU BACK!

Think back with me to your childhood…I am sure that there was someone in your little world that you could not get close to no matter how hard you tried.  You strived to impress them by emulating their every action and trying ANYTHING to get them to notice you.  Even with all your effort, they failed to recognize, like or acknowledge you as a friend.  When we realize we cannot make them see things our way we run crying home with emotional scars and tears of defeat.  If you were fortunate, someone older and wiser told you that to be yourself is enough and those that care about you will love and appreciate you just the way you are.  You did not want to hear it or believe it, but it holds true as an adult.  One of the hardest lessons we learn early on in life is that not everybody will like us.  It is our job to realize that the “one” WILL NOT need to learn to like you.  If you are with the right person, you will be more than enough!  Until next time my loves!