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| "What the?! I can't possibly be all of these things!" |
We all know someone like her. The woman who has a mile-long list of qualities that she MUST have in a man. This list practically trails the floor and crosses city and state lines. It has jagged edges from months of additions and side notes. Its detailed content surpasses the U.S. Constitution! If you ever got a peak at the list, you may have seen some impractical expectations or unrealistic aspirations. Things like: must make X amount of money per year, must exercise 5.5 times a week, must have a certain amount of facial hair, must allow her to be right ALL the time (even when she’s wrong!), must be able to read minds and prevent arguments that result in him winning, and the list drags on! Before I really go in, I don’t want it misconstrued that having standards and expectations is a negative thing. In fact, I believe it’s important to know what you want. However, there are a few issues with being too picky and judgmental about a potential mate.
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Even with the most detailed of maps, you can still find yourself among the unknown! |
1) There is no such thing as an all-inclusive A-list. We simply can not plan for the unknowns in life. People can surprise you making your list null and void! What you forget to put on the list is just as important as what you fuss over. The whole motto, “If you build it, they will come” is very realistic. Make a list and I promise you that there is someone out there who fits it perfectly. Conversely, this person may be married, have a secret negative attribute that could potentially damage your relationship or maybe he's just not that into you. Which leads me to my 2nd point…
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| Don't be a hot mess wanting it all! Get it together first! |
2) These same women who make these monstrous lists rarely make a list for THEMSELVES. How can you expect a man to be perfect when you don’t even hold yourself to mediocre standards? So I ask, where is YOUR list? You know the list that ensures you as a woman are meeting your own standards and goals. Are you working on your finances, taking care of your health, building your spiritual relationship, discovering your talents and sharing them with the world? If you aren’t happy with yourself, you may as well get a fresh sheet of paper and work on YOU!
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| Never let your wants get larger than your needs! |
3) Having a clear view of who you are doesn’t mean that you know who you should be with. Usually the specifics of these lists lack what we need. If you are writing a list that is want-heavy, there is a large margin for need error! Say you get the man with all the money. You may need emotional support from your A-lister only to find yourself alone because he has to work to keep up your lifestyle. We have to be very careful what we consider a need, because it could be the exact attribute that tears our relationships apart.
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| Don't regret the one that got away! Learn people outside the boundaries of a list. |
4) Basing your relationships on a list can make you miss out! Most people who have an A-list know it inside out, but how sure are they about who crosses their path? You have to take time to learn someone. Dating is not about getting it right the first time. It’s about exploring and enjoying the time you have with the people you meet. If you are constantly on a list-based hunt, you could be missing out on good, quality relationships. Every man that you meet should not be sized up for the trophy case!
I hope that I am not about to contradict myself, but here goes! Knowing what you want is great. Having a list is not harmful, UNLESS it is becoming larger than your social skills and common sense! Learn to appreciate what people CAN offer you as opposed to what you THINK they cannot. This takes time and it cannot work under the scrutiny of a well-coordinated A-list. Be realistic and acknowledge that everyone, including YOU, has flaws. Chances are if you wrote your attributes down, you may be less than an A-lister! Realize that you are not perfect and your mate will not be either. Real love is not about perfection, lists, single-sided opinion or unreasonable expectations! Get yourself together first and you would be surprised what turns up!
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