People Please...Regroup Before You Rebound!

 

Leave it at the door!

Have you ever mistakenly asked someone “So what happened with your last relationship?”  Many dating experts would say you should NEVER delve into someone else’s past.  I beg to differ.  This question, as touchy as it may be, can reveal a lot about a person.  Aside from the dancing skeletons and eye-popping confessions, this question has brought me something much more sinister…the shocking truth that this person is not over their past.  I will never forget the last time I asked this question while on a date.  BIG MISTAKE!  Before long I knew the girl’s name, saw a picture and even got the run down on the break-up.  Instead of enjoying the date, I ended up being the shoulder to cry on, the therapist and the rebound specialist!  How pathetic!  I’ve spoken in quite a few posts about leaving your past behind.  For some of us, that is impossible.  What if the loneliness and regret is killing you?  How can you move on when your heart is still stuck?  How about NOT moving on!  This would seem like the logical step; however we are sometimes forced to keep it moving when we aren’t ready.  Starting from the cusp of life after a break-up, I devised these suggestions to moving on with grace at a customized pace! 


I've Got Love On My Mind!

Happy Valentine's Day my loves!  I hope that you are enjoying this day of love, passion and dedication to the one's you care for.  If you aren't romantically connected with someone, don't remove yourself from this holiday.  You are surrounded by more love than you think.  You don't need a day to share the love you have in your heart or acknowledge the love people give you all year round.  Instead of the usual Ms. Mocha posts, I want to share two beautiful pieces of work to commemorate this day.  Hope you enjoy!

1) "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails ..."  1 Corinthians 13:4–8a

2) “Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

-St. Augustine

Until next time my sweets! 

The Unsexy Side of Role Reversal!

Of course we can...but what will
the man be doing?!



Last week as I was getting my nails pampered, I flipped through a recent issue of Cosmo magazine.  Not impressed by the usual Kama Sutra crap, I stumbled upon an article entitled “Why Men in Love Are Dragging Their Feet.”¹ BINGO!  Right up my alley and blog worthy!  This article left such a bad taste in my mouth about the state of today’s relationships.   As an employment specialist, one of my major tasks is discovering what my client can do.  I interview them to find out what their KSA’s (knowledge, skills and abilities) consist of.  When I’m not at my day job, I also do this to men I date.  We talk and I get to know who they are, what they know, what they can do and what they can’t.  Based on this article, the modern man can’t do much at all!  You should have seen the look of shock and awe on my face as I read a woman’s perspective on getting a man to move his feet in any stage of a relationship.  According to a contributing quote from Dr. Allen Berger, author of Love Secrets Revealed,

“Men are going through this weird moment…That traditional take-charge position that they once played in a relationship is becoming obsolete, and they’re trying to figure out their new role.” (112-113)

 There is no doubt that male/female roles are shifting, but come on doc!  We need to stop making excuses for men despite society’s changes.  Men carve out space, energy and time for their interests; whether it is work, sports, technology or even women (shocking I know)!  So with all this said, what exactly is the role of the modern man?  Travel with me through the first four major stages of a relationship and get the articles’ view vs. my own…